27.11 & 28.11.10 in India

27.11.10 and part of 28.11.10
morning class spend working on my hour program....very confused...in the end i gave up and just did my own practice...will think about my program later....
still stuggling with the meditation....could someone come and wash out my brain and leave me the peace and tranquility that everyone keeps talking about....is it wrong that i hate them for being able to do what seems like such a simple practice.....i know it's bad, but man it's frustrating,..still haven't found my beads...it's so funny i'm putting so much emphasis on these beads, like it's going to be a life changing situation for me.....i do amuse myself and what i create as an attachment....will keep you posted if i do find my magic beads and they lead me to my beanstalk....
that reminds me...maybe i should be looking for a glass slipper as well....might lead me to my prince charming!!!
anyway on to more things....
breakfast was a tin of baked beans and my normal fruit and museli....i've started to just eat breakfast and lunch....no need for dinner most days...
pilosophy class was next...normally it's a bit of a bitch fight...a few select people making more of these sutras than need to be made...in brief the sutras are a way of life....simply put...you are not your thoughts...you are deeper than that, you live a way of life that is free of greed,  jealously, hatred and any other negative emotions you can think of....each sutra leads you to another and suggestions on how to implement them in your life...i do love it as it just covers most of the stuff i've already been reading....eckhart toll, a new earth....it's worth reading...it's written for this era so has more relevance...anyway...the philosophy class was really quite light hearted....our discussion was on celebacy (which is one of the sutras)...not an issue for me, but for others....well....they weren't too thrilled with idea....lucky for them it doesn't mean no sex altogether...a few rules apply...like you must be married or your long term partner.....again...not an issue for me....we also discussed how it's pathetic that we ask people 'how are you' and we don't really mean it or even stop to listen to their answer, it's also funny how we just answer good thanks, how are you....i told them how i questioned someone in the elevator one day if they were really interested in how i was or were they just being polite....I was amused....the elevator person was not!!!.....sometimes we just get sick of the same old same old...
meditation was next... this is a guided meditation, we start with humming for half an hour....continuous humming...it awakens the charkras...we then ask for particular energies to come into our world and at the end we turn our hands to the earth and give back to the earth that which we are overflowing with.....i do love this whole process....i just wish my arse wouldn't hurt so much and that my legs would stop going to sleep and that my arse wouldn't hurt and that my mind would stay focused.....i really need those friggin beads!!!!......
After meditation i had a Thai massage with Steve....was well needed....there is something strangely nice about someone rubbing your bum when it is so sore....and rubbing my groin and inner legs.....actually it was just nice to have a man rubbing anything....
had to scoff down a bit of lunch as my massage session went for nearly 2 hours...time now for teaching practice....
didn't get much done except lend some ideas on a flow for katya and then go through her 1 hour practice to see if timing was ok...we also ran through a bit of my program as well....still not sure about using the flow i created...it's different and i like that, some of the girls have asked if  i'd show them so of my sequences which is really flattering considering these girls bend like gumby and can do the most amazing things with the bodies....is it wrong to hate them for that too.....the sutras would say yes....
we ran over time in our training so dinner was a bit later than normal....today i had to have dinner....so much training in one day....extra food required....we were all asked to go out for dinner tonight, some of us decided it was better off to be safe and just eat at our home....we at least know they look after us...it was quite interesting, i sat next to Chris; who normally freaks me out as he's so withdrawn...or maybe just feels unapproachable....it turned out to be quite funny,.....he asked how i was, i said fine thanks and how are you...he replied good thanks....i then said...'now that we've been polite can we get on with a real conversation!!' we all laughed...you had to be there of course.....but it was a breaking moment for me....chris is actually quite charming and funny it seems....nice to finally see that
after dinner we all went out to Dunes; or should i say the small group that stayed behind me the larger group....by the time we got there most people had been drinking and the vibe was anything but nice....didn't last long there and found myself back at home by 10pm....a gorup of us sat around and started to chat....it was such a nice night..finally got a chance to chat to Pee Wee....philipino...so beautiful....inside and out....we stayed up till about midnight, i went back to my room with some much needed laxatives and started to work on my program again.....i found that when i finally went to bed i was thinking about the mediation section and all i can say is thank god for voice recording on my phone...i think i went to sleep some time around 2am.....up again at 5.30!!!
28.11.10
ran through my sequence to test timing....i'm way off...need to cut some of the stretches out....tried it twice...still unsure...am doing my session tomorrow...needless to say i'm really nervous....but keep remembering that the worse that can happen is i make an arse of self....we all know i'm used to that...
breakfast was frustrating. we are asked to observed; or should i say 'invited' as we are never told to do anything really.....anyway, everyone bar two of us actually observed the silence....sometimes i wonder why people can't just enjoy the silence....it was interesting to see how annoyed i got....was like watching children who just wouldn't shut up....i think it got to me worse today as i'm so friggin unsure of my sequence and feel unprepared compared to the others who've been doing yoga for a few years now....
i grabbed a couple of girls and tried out my flowing sequence which is the middle part and a bit difficult to teach...seemed to go really well and Linda was great, she did the whole thing with her eyes closed so she could follow my instructions...seemed to work out well....still a bit too long...but i have an idea of how to cut it a little shorter....
we left the resort and found ourselves at dunes having some more food, fresh juice and there are now four of us at a table in the restaurant with computers...it's quite funny...we talk but each are doing our own thing at the same time...i like this kind of interaction...just being with....
i realized today there are only 7 days left here and it's kind of sad....i'll really miss the group and being part of such a different experience.....
anyway...time to sign off, luch has started and i need to get back to eat, drink and be merry!!!
not sure what the rest of the day holds...maybe the beach....
am going to look for a silence retreat or health retreat and maybe only do two weeks at the elephant refuge....i still feel i need something more at this point....
time willl tell
love to all xxxx