My first week in Elephant land!!!

ok, so where to begin with my elephant adventure so far.
it's been one week and one day and i've already had a chance to work with all our elephants (5 in total) as well as some great people whom i've already had to say some sad goodbyes to.....strange how close you can become in one week.
to start...the elephants...and their stories...
Somboon is 30 years old. she had been roaming the streets for several years and was hit by a speeding truck in 2006. the traffic collision caused her enough damage to leave her limping. Fortunately for her there were people that wanted to help but without the financial support of a lovely Australian woman called Joan Pearson, Somboon would never had made it to the Rescue Centre.
Somboon has pink patches with black flecks on her ears and around her head and is quite pretty...for an elephant...lucky she's a girl!!....she also has the most beautiful eyes with long lashes....very jealous of that!!
Somboon and Khan Kluay share an enclose and this is the only enclosure you are not allowed to enter as Khan Kluay is not a happy camper...given his life so far, i am not surprised either.
Khan Kluay was born in captivity at an elephant camp however the camp did not want to keep a baby boy as males are more difficult to control than females and therefore less saleable on the tourist market.
At one year old Khan Kluay was torn away from his mother (of which elephants stay with their mothers till they are about 6 years old) and put through the Phaajann ( this training entails him being pegged to the ground with the legs spread apart..to achieve this they tear the skin tender skin under his legs (where it joins the body) which is excruciating for an elephant of any age, they then starve the elephant for 3-4 days and do this over a period of a few weeks until the elephants spirit is broken. He was then forced to perform tricks and beg for food to make money from tourists on the city streets. Khan Kluay was found by Wildlife Friends Foundation Thailand (WWFT) on the streets in Cha-Am and taken to the refuge. He is very small in comparison to the other elephants here and he has scars where his skin has been torn from the sharp picks during his training. He constantly sways from side to side which is his begging motion and it is so sad to watch him. once distracted by food he races around the enclosure to where you are throwing treats. he is quite dangerous and becomes distressed when there's too many people around...he has attacked a few people already who have not listened to the warnings about staying away from the fence line...their own fault really....and no-one was killed so don't get all humanitarian on me....one of us made him like he is!! needless to say I am very watchful when on duty with him....he's cute but hey...he's a friggin elephant!!!
Pai Lin is our 60+ year old female who came to live at WWFT in 2007 after spending much of her life on the city streets. She was in such poor condition when she arrived, underweight, dehydrated, respiratory condition and infections in her eyes and ears. With the love and care that volunteers and staff give she is quite a fat little chick now....
unfortunately Pai Lin has a deformed spine from where she had been carrying a heay seat with up to six tourists in it (see those elephants rides are just not worth it when you know how they are trained and how it leaves these poor elephants in the end...)..she is now so healthy that she has a little trot in her  step when you enter her enclosure, she is one of the elephants that we get up close and personal to...still shit scared but have figured her out....a little anyway...enough to get me by and stop my heart from racing when you see an elephant heading straight for you!!!...
She has the funniest face as her cheeks are very sunken and her skin looks about 3 times too big for her...her trunk is quite soft though and she like her hugs...just not when it's feeding time...then all she does is flick you away...generally in the vacinty of the electric fence....i think she enjoys the spark!!!We get to take Pai Lin for a walk everyday to her other enclosure that has a little pond in it...she goes for a nice dip in the water and sprays herself like mad...she loves to fart and shit as soon as she is in the water...one of the jobs here is cleaning the shit out of the pond in the 'poo boat'...now that is treat!!!
Bua is our next old girl at 65+ and she was taken from her mother when she was two years old and trained to become a logging elephant destroying her own habitat. She has never grown to full size due to the heavy work load she endured for most of her life. After she was too old to log (or too slow) she was then sold to the tourist market where she made to carry tourists on her back for many more years and then sold as a begging elephant to financially support her new owners. When she arrived at WWFT she was very thin and had so many sores that were infected that they thought she would never survive her first week here (amazingly enough these elephants are bought...the WWFT has to pay for these elephants to take care of them and they are never cheap as the money asked is to set up the Thai owner for life....)
Bua still has many sores over her body and most have no nerve endings so there is little hope that they will heal completely...it's really hard to be with her when the vet comes in to clean the areas as there is enough puss  to squirt a meter away...it's awful but lucky for her there is little pain in most of the sores except for her hind leg which is a huge opening.(they clean the sores using a spoon to get out all the mud and dirt....it's bizzare to watch). Lucky for Bua she has gained a lot of weight and is looking very very healthy besides the fact that there are several deep wounds on her.
She's quite slow and loves company...she is one of the elephants that we can feed directly and she loves to be fed into her mouth with that big sucking tongue...you have to careful she doesn't suck your hand up at the same time!!!...this is one of the elephants that i love being around....she so much fun...slower that Pai Lin and faster than our oldest girl June.
June is around 70 years old and is still very very thin. she only came to WWFT 6 months ago and is still very sick and weak. you can see her bones including her whole spine....when she is next to Bua (they share an enclosure) it is really obvious how thin she actually is. On Wednesday she collapsed some time during the night and was not able to get up herself...we waited for a crane for about 5 hours and once it arrived it was mayhem...trying to lift her after she had been down for so long was incredibly difficult...volunteers lifting her head and others helping to push her from the side...i hate to say it but the crane nearly came down on all of us....it took 3 attempts before we finally got her up and she then had to spend 2 days inside something that looks like a boat lift with a strap under her belly 'just in case'...
when we finally got her out to wonder she went straight to the forest and roamed around for about an hour...it was so good to see her up and about again....we are generally around the clock with her and someone needs to be with her at all times during the day.....she also doesn't have any teeth so her food has to be peeled and cut up and hand fed to her...it's again one of my favorite jobs...
Now for the work load....
we start at 6.30 am with a feed...banana trees...sometimes fruit hidden in tyres and thrown into the enclosure
7am we start the poo clean as well as the left over of the banana trees...huge mess to say the least
7.30 we do a water round which generally means filling up the water tanks after we've washed them out from the slime!
8.30 we have a special project...which equates to either doing a harvest (will explain that later), or putting piles of elephant poo or waste banana trees into the back of the tractor and taking it into the forest to dump (elephant poo is very good for growing mushrooms and we have a lot of mushrooms in our food!!!)
Harvest - we get driven in the back of ute (open style like you're a mexican) to a location and the Mahoots (thai elephant trainers) cut down the trees while us white folk pick them up on our shoulders and carry them to the back of the second ute...my first day we did this and had to do two loads...it was about 38 degrees and we were sweat soaked after 3 hours on heavy labour in the sun!!!...thank god they stopped at the river bed on the way home and we got to jump in (fully clothed) and swim around for 10 minutes....it made all that hard work worth it...and that was my first day!!! most harvest since then have been one truck load but the people are much less so they don't push it too much....thank god!! we harvest every 2nd day so there is no shortage of hard labouring here.
9am we have breakfast...which we make ourselves
10am we do another feed of banana trees
11am we do a water round and offer the elephants water from the hose...i like this job as well...it's fun watching them spraying themselves.
12pm lunch
1pm water round again
2pm feed time
2.15 another special project.....this could be rock picking, sweeping the paths, moving dirt piles....always something very physical
4pm feed time
5pm cleaning time.....actually you just clean all the time...there is not shortage of elephant poo!!!
and depending on the other duties you are allocated....like dog washing or kitchen duty or more elephant poo!!!

no time to talk about the people as yet but will post the experience and those that have touched my life very soon.....i am really living a bizarre little world at the moment....and loving every smelly, dirty second of it!!!

love to all and big smiles from my heart into yours
xxxx
P.S. will be on Skype for most of Xmas day so if you're around look at my previous post for my skype name cause i already forgot it...sorry....:))))

Time for Elephant fun....

So...i've got about an hour before i head off to the elephant refuge and my mind and heart are racing....
i'm nervous to say the least but so excited all at once.....will the elephants like me...will anyone speak english, will the people like me....will my back hold out and not bother me as it's doing....i think the last one is the one that i'm worried about more than anything else.....would hate to be laid up again!!! was bad enough in India!!!
as much as this last 5 days at the resort has been confronting and somewhat lonely i will definately miss my room, the pool, the gardens and being so close to the beach....will have to come back and hold a yoga/health retreat here....keep thinking how perfect this time of year is for that how the place itself with it's lovely gardens and amazing rooms would be perfect....i'll put this in my little bag of things to do.....i'm thinking 10 days would be perfect....anyone interested let me know!!! :)....i know i could get a great rate!!!

So i went shopping yesterday in Hui Hin which is the next big town....i was looking at staying there at one stage and am glad i didn't....way too busy!!!give me the peace and quiet anyday!!!
i was picked up by my taxi driver Ot who spoke some english...or so he thought.....very very hard to understand but we managed.....he asked if i want to sing song....he meant put music on!!!...the cd he played was country and western and the second song that came on was describing a young mans first time with a woman in the back seat of her car and he came in his pants before he even got to touch her.....not sure if Ot realized what the song was about...my guess....NOT.....i nearly pissed myself laughing...i'm sure he too thinks i'm crazy!!! just one more person to add to that list!!!!
anyway he dropped me at the big shopping complex and i bought up some more essentials like dvd's, food, towel and couple of extra tops, i was surprised to find that the prices in the shops were just as expensive as back home.....best off shopping at the markets next time...maybe head back to bangkok a day earlier so i can shop up a storm...if i feel like it.....anyway, got sick of roaming around and around so after 3 hours i called Ot and met him back at the car to drive back to the resort...same country and western playing...different songs but man that music just makes you sad!!!! like i needed that.....
got back to my room and then had the arduous task of packing all the crap i just bought.....i've ended up popping up the extra space in my suitcase as well as there being an extra backpack....hopefully i can get rid of some of the stuff before heading into Vietnam!!!
now the only thing i have to mention is the owner of the resort...she is amazing and so helpful...not only  has she arranged for my taxi trips and little scooter rides into town but when i spoke to her yesterday she told me that if i have any trouble anywhere in thailand to just call her and she'll help out...she understands how hard it has been and wants to make sure that i am safe....there's a lot to be said about knowing a local and having her as a contact here....feels much safer already.....
have to pack a few more items and send some more emails so signing off for now....not sure when i'll get a chance to update again as i don't know the schedule or my day off until i get to the refuge....
sending love and light to all
Om Shanti
xxxxx
andy

i love skype....

Big thanks to Deana who chatted with me for the very first time on Skype...why didn't i set this up sooner!!!
have just got mum signed up and will be chatting with her very shortly....very excited...not only about chatting to my mum but again being able to speak and be understood....there's something really nice about that and something you'd relate to if you were in a different country by yourself and no one spoke to you.....
enhances a loneliness that you didn't know existed....or maybe it's just my ego not being fed!!!
anyway..not much to report other than it's been sunny here so my favorite form of laziness has been fulfilled....swimming and sunbaking!!!!...oh and reading and sudoku and listening to music and a bit of yoga stretching.....oh and eating....lots of eating....i think i need a health retreat week....maybe i could still squeeze that it!!!
have decided to go shopping today and give the body a rest from being lazy....i still need a few essentials and although i bought two bottles of hayfever tablets i think i sent them home in my package when i was in Bangkok.... definitely need them. yesterday i couldn't stop sneezing and had nothing to help me....not sure how i managed to send both bottle home!!!
besides the essentials i think i'd like to buy some stuff for me...and maybe some more dvd's for the trip as well...oh and an ipod and anything else i can think of.....just in the mood to shop and India was really really cheap so have some extra money to spend...besides the next 6 weeks won't cost me anything really....
well off to chat to mum on skype and then to shop...
peace and love to all
Om Shanti
xxxxxxx

The Flee market and beyond....

So, yesterday we decided that i should go to the flee market to get the other stuff i hadn't been able to get at the shops...most important my pocket knife...
My lovely Thai, non english speaking driver picked me up at 6pm sharp...did i mention no helmets and the first trip in the morning was in a dress....this time around pants and runners....oh and a top!!!
we walked around the market and soon found a groovy pocket knife...a great little torch, a new watch as mine decided to crap itself but i could not find any dvd's (something they suggest you bring as night entertainment) and i also really really needed to get some mosquito repellent (not that i am getting bitten here...definately not like India but who knows when i'm in the jungle!!)....after about an hour of walking around i tried to tell my lovely Thai non english speaking driver that we could leave....i don't think he understood as we kept walking around (and most of you know how directionally challenged i am) and i was sure we were no closer to the scooter than we were before....i decided to use several sign language motions to indicate i was done...i even used the hand movement across the neck (maybe he got scared that i was going to kill him with my pocket knife and it was safer to stay inside the market!!)...eventually he called Annie (the owner who speaks english) to check, i explained to Annie that i just needed some dvd's and insect repellant but could not find it there and not to worry....my Thai driver (let's call him Fred for now) then started to guide me out of the market and soon we were on the scooter and heading home....or i thought....he stopped at a large convenience store where i could buy some insect repellant...i can't tell you how lovely that was...the care factor without having to speak is unique....with a huge smile i hopped off and bought my goodies...there was also an ATM there which i desperately needed....couldn't have asked for anything more...we headed off one more time and before i knew it he stopped again and we were outside of a dvd shop....is it sad that i nearly cried...he was so pleased that i was so pleased.....with my purchases in hand and both of us feeling very happy for quite different reasons we made the journey home....and although i had already tipped him earlier in the night i felt that his care factor for me and the things i needed was beyond his duty and tipped him once more.....i feel bad that i don't know is name but Fred is very dear to me.
today i think i'll just sit and read...haven't had the inclination to do any yoga as yet but my body is starting to cease up so i think a late afternoon session will be in order.....and i'm quite looking forward to it.....
am signing off for now but if anything remotely interesting happens...or not i'll update you all....

peace love and huge smiles from across the world and into your hearts...
xxxxxxxx

Now on Skype....

Ok, haven't quite figured out how to use it yet but have just signed up to Skype.
my skyping name (is that a word!!!) is andygirl72 so add me if you like and that way i don't have to spend too long trying to figure out how to add any of you....

Om Shanti xxxx

My placement in Vietnam has been confirmed

received my placement in Vietnam as there was 3 that i could have been allocated to....
this is part of the email i recieved.....

.....we will transport you to Tuy Hoa program by bus or train. It takes you roughly 07-08  hours to get to Tuy Hoa city.

oh joy...
inside i'm laughing....no seriously...my heart is really cracking up at the thought of 7-8 hours in a bus or train....yipeeee......i get to catch up on sleep and even typing up my scribble notes....there's always lots do no matter how you travel....could have been worse, they could have said 3 days by horse and cart...

Om Shanti (peace be with you)
love love and more love...

My Indian Finale` and Thailand Sanctuary...

Just a warning you may want to settle in for this one....it's a long one...but some of it's worth it....even if i do say so myself...
so summary time as my yoga experience is over but first i thought i'd share my graduation day with you as i was a bit rushed the last time I was on the computer.
The Friday night i got really bad RBS (think i mentioned it already....it's ok, no details necessary other than to say it was a toss up which end took the toilet first at times!!!).... now because of my untimely body explosions i also missed our owning outing together which was to go out on one of the boats and see the dolphins and have a swim in the clearer water (apparently it gets slightly blueish the further you go out....nice to know it's not always a clear brown!),  i eventually stopped body exploding around 8am, i was so over it i actually tried to change my flight details....little did i realize it was Saturday so my cry for help was unheard...turned out to be a good thing in the end as i know the ending of the story (or at least the Indian part of it :) )....
now back to the graduation story...
we all met up at 4pm (which is after our lunch break)...everyone presenting nicely in anticipation of receiving our certificate.
We sat in the round Shala; all together for the very last time......
They had laid out flower petals of all shapes, sizes and colours in the shape of the Om symbol, and our teachers were all dressed in white...very picturesque.
we started with Om's and chanting and the teachers went around to each of us, presented us with a lai, hugs filled with genuine love and pride (for not just the student but for themselves...later on I was to find out that this group was the first to have those teachers and yet it seemed like they had been teaching together for ages)..and words to reasure you that you were honored and respected as a being and a yogini....it's funny how i had struggled for the most of this course with the love issue....as in loving myself and giving love freely and yet all the teachers saw how much love I had given...apparently just in my smile....i think we all agreed i was still requiring some work in the loving of me but these things take time and i am much better than i have ever been.......sorry...another tangent...ok back to the story...at great lengths.....
after we all recieved certificates we did what all groups should do and honoured our teachers.....each with a group hug...( a 24 person group hug is pretty special!!!)....
The next part of the story is where it gets really hard to put into words yet again....sorry..i know i keep doing this and normally i'm really good at finding the group of words to do things justice....i can only try here again....
Susie & Yamuna had us make two circles, one smaller in the centre and one larger on the outside and we faced each other....this was to be our love and appreciation circle. One person enters the circles with their eyes closed, the group then lightly touches them, stroking thier hand, arm, feet, legs, face, hair (the choice was yours) to show affection and love so each touch was very gentle and each touch guided them gently around the circle to others to show their affection and love...of all the other wonderfully loving and caring experiences they had previously bought into my world this had a way of breaking each and every one us....
when Susie finally came behind me to guide me into the circle her touch made me start crying....if you could just for a moment close your eyes and sense people on either side of you, like being in a tunnel, having to trust those people will guide you but thier touch also offers an energy of sincere love, gently stroking your face and hair...briefly holding your arm and extending the touch to a stroke...like they do not want to let you go, holding their hand on your heart as if to say you are ok and i know the real you, gently pulling you closer to them for a brief hug to say farewell, whispering in your ear how amazing they think you are, wiping away the tears that stream down your face and when your time in the circle is finished your dearest friend holds you as you both give in to the emotion of the affection and love just recieved and the realization of our time together ending........
as i type this the memory of the night replays, step by step and again my cheeks are wet with new tears shed and my eyes are still full of tears to come...
For all of you.....i wish this experience for each and everyone.
once finished we held the hands of the people next to us and still facing the person opposite in the smaller circle we started to walk around slowly so both circle move in different directions....we then go to look into the eyes of each of those across from us...all being moved by the show of emotion that was on each of our faces...through tears or warm heart filled smiles  we each knew this was our real farewell....the final night of month together.
The love and affection doesn't end their of course as we are all about the L O V E....another group hug was called for...this time full of tears, tears and more tears...and of course after the group hug was done there is always the individual hugs that need to be added to your reserve of love ;)
That night was our student entertainment...(we were asked if we would like to give 5 minutes to the group, either as an individual or smaller groups...most people were really on the ball with this...but there was some seriously talented people in the group....singers, dancers, writers (not published but should have been)...i was stuck...i had nothing so decided against a last sharing moment), earlier that day during our lunch break i had shown Linda my photo slideshow of the group...oh firstly, some brief words about the lunch hour we spent together; we had just been talking generally and Linda turned to me like she just realized we would not be doing this forever...i would actually be leaving (Linda is staying to teach Yoga....super lucky, super deserving as well)...the tears started and we both sat their staring at each other with this new found realization that we had, till then, been avoiding really feeling it....for most of the lunch hour we had tears in our eyes, also discussing how the friendship we had formed would never be the same as the bond we had there and then....formed from mutual experience and many hours just being us....and yes as i type this i cry at the thought of never being face to face with my beautiful friend again and having that amazing feeling of freedom and love just by looking at each other....I am eternally grateful she was sent to me...and blessed that i had a whole month of her spirit, her glances at me when our favorite 'talkers' would take over the conversation, the looks of sheer disapproval when people talked in our 'reserved silent times' and her anal control issues about people not being on time.....and just so everyone is aware...i openly called Linda anal about her control issues....she eventually (on Sunday...our actual last day) started to calm down about it...so very very proud of her...:).....sorry i did it again...i was talking about the student entertainment....
Anyway....i had shown Linda the slide show...which inevitably made her cry (in actual fact she watched it 4 or 5 times before i left and cried everytime she saw it...so unbelievably sweet)...she insisted that i show it that night to the group....i was confronted with the whole sharing thing (not sure if i've even spoken about that issue with you guys yet..but just in brief...i find it really really hard to share...the fear of judgement takes over)...would I, could I, should I....why was even considering it...i had about 6 people still missing or with terrible pics and after lunch was graduation....i tried taking pictures of those 6 people and you would not believe it .,..they all failed to turn out.,...not just bad but miserably....i resigned myself to the fact that it was never going to happen on this short a notice....strangely though after graduation finished, those 6 people materialized for me (physically not in some kind of freaky ghost like manner!!)...pics were taken...really good ones and instead of dinner (remember i had that bad case of body exploding earlier...yes it's still that same day....well there was 24 hours to write about so hang in there, it's nearly finished)...i took myself to my room and uploaded the pics, wrote a short line about each person and put a song to the slide show, packed my laptop and mozied on down to our talent night...all prepared to finally share something real from me to them...
the talent night started with Maudy and Cloe singing (both professionally trained and amazing voices)....Vinnie was on the bongo...was such a beautiful way to start the evening....next was Nootie...she did a kind of sort of belly dance but more like a freestyle belly dance it was clear nothing was planned except the outfit...full on bellydancing which poses the question...does she just take that on all her overseas trips!!!.....it was fun and at the end we all got up and she tried to teach us a couple of moves....after that was Kimberly....she had us in tears of laughter....she sat in front of Susie (her small group leader) to sing a song of appreciation...it's apparently a North American nursery rhyme...but really really cute, which was why we all laughed so much...after that she made a brief speak and played a song that she loved and we all got up and danced with her...R&B funky song...never heard it before but was cool...some of the guys did some breakdancing and my fellow Aussie Phoebe (and also greek, not that you'd pick it she looks like a surfy chick!!) did the worm..or snake or what ever you call it....brave as that floor is concrete so cant imagine it being too nice on your hips, ribs and breasts!!!...after that we were each presented with a disc of the mantra's and chants we had been singing for the past month, one of the girls had been recording our singing so we can each remember those amazing sounds to bring us back to our Indian adventure.....(P.S, i was not given a disc as my computer doesn't have a disc drive so i opted to have them loaded via a USB....problem being that the girl that recorded them is on Mac so it's MP4 and i can't listen to them!!!!!)...next was Greg and PeeWee..they had a slide show presentation (one i knew they were working on and i also knew we randomly picked the same song to go with our slide show!!)....they read out a poem first and then played thier presentation...it was very moving.....during this time my inner voice is screaming....go and tell Alice (who was our MC for the night) that i had a presentation as well...just do it...just get up off your friggin arse and put yourself out there....don't think just do.....
just so you know this went on for a good 5 minutes..in the end they packed up the projection stuff and we were onto our last talent for the night....i missed my opportunity...no regrets but i laugh at myself at how much i am afraid of people judging me...besides my pictures weren't as good as Greg and PeeWee's...it would have pailed in comparison....you realize this was my justification....:)....i know, i know...pretty f**ked up but i just have to accept that is were i am at the moment...hopefully one day, opinions won't bother me so much....strange how i thought they never did but came to realize how much it does affect what i'll show of the real me....Lessons, lessons....gotta love em...
oh and to end there was a poem written and read out by Julia and Sirus (story behind that couple but no real need to waste time on that, it's funny how so much of us were affected by them though...p.s. Julia has/had a fiance that was living just up the road....just so you know why we were all affected in different ways to that...now enough said)...the poem was a humorous look at our teachers and taking the piss out of them....something i really don't like or find amusing, so the night for me ended on a bit of low note (everyone else was amused, it was just me) especially after such a lovely slide show from Greg and PeeWee....anywho....
Later on Kimberly and i sat on the beach and chatted...Vinnie came past so joined us....he's adorable...reminds me of Scott (my room mate...and yes Scott i know you know who you are, but they may not know who you are..:)) with a very strong European accent (forgive me for not remembering which country but there was 25 of us!!!...it was kind of german maybe but nicer...Austrian, not that i've ever heard that before; i'm clutching now so i'm going to let it go), he's our amazing
acro yoga super star as well as knowing partner yoga and that really hard core dancing thingy...starts with C...i know what it's called but can't for the life of me remember how it's spelt...anyway...adorable and talented is our Vinnie and we spoke about him coming to Australia to do some Acro Yoga workshops....fingers are seriously crossed for that...as well as every other part of my body that can be!!!...if you get a chance look him up on http://www.flying-yogis.com/ i'm told there is a video on there.
ok, night ended and my very last day was tomorrow....lots of people leaving...no doubt emotions will be high...best get some sleep....
added....not too much sleep happened, ran into Erin on the way back to my room and ended up in a heart to heart till way past midnight....having not had any night the night before due my explosions needless to say i was exhausted for my very last chance to meditate and enjoy my morning yoga practice with friends in the Main Shalla (my favorite place...all wood and trees....)...Linda was late (not that we were on a schedule anymore)....don't worry i made her face the fact that lateness happens to everyone....she's getting there :)....so there we were...Linda, Ellie and I...all enjoying our last moments of being here...my heart was smiling as i also realized how amazingly lucky i have been to have had this experience and to look at Linda and Ellie; of whom i love dearly, and know that they will forever and always be the best memories of my trip....
breakfast was strange...we all bought out laptops to the table and were supposed to exchange songs, pictures etc....i did some sharing but somehow i didn't end up with any music which was what i was really hoping for. the pictures taken by others were incredible but they were not my experiences so i didn't bother taking photo's, anyway it was strange as it really through the vibe out...we were normally in silence in the morning and there's no way you'd even consider bringing your laptop to the eating area especially during eating hours....it really threw that beautiful balance right out the door....
although the teachers had planned to have a final gathering of the group, the group (or smaller part of it that tended to sway the program a bit and speak on behalf of everyone) decided it would be best to leave things as they were....our farewell was yesterday and they didn't feel we needed another gathering..
you probably realize that was not my opinion...one last chant on our actual last day would have been great and one last parting comment from each of our teachers would have finalized it for me...but that's just me....a very very small portion of the group....oh did i mention i was not the shortest...PeeWee was...I was second shortest....now that's gotta be a first!!!
I had only one thing planned on Sunday and that was a last massage...schedule for 2pm...it was already midday and i also knew that Kimberly was leaving at 2pm so i figured a short trip to dunes....emails....blog page etc and then head back to say farewell, get a massage and end the afternoon packing before spending the rest of the day with Linda and others ready to leave that night or the next day....
Kimberly ended up arriving at Dunes so my departure time was delayed and the farewell was tears and belly laughs....Kimberly has always wanted to spoon me....i think she just really missed her husband and we were quite close...just not that close....i told her if she remembered to email me i'd let her come to Australia and spoon me for one night....i love her...she's a real character and a true carer...very very nuturing.
the rest of the day was a bit of a blur of goodbyes and packing and finishing up with accounts and threwing away stuff i didn't need, having one last dinner with a very very small group of the remaining 25 and heading to back to Dunes for a farewell drink (non alcoholic for this little duck!!) and just generally lapping up the last moments of the group....
Linda and I finished the evening with laugh instead of tears and huge smiles...i think we had cried enough the night before and that day (yes we kept looking at each other again during the day and just tearing up)....we both know how amazingly blessed we were to have found such a friend during our month....
i didn't get to bed till sometime after 2am....had to be up at 4.30am so the phone alarm was set and my heart was smiling as i closed my eyes and melted into my bed.....
Crap...slept through the alarm...lucky Mukesh was banging on my hut (you can't bang on a hut door...not strong enough...you kind of have to shake the hut!!) and calling out my name...it was already 5am and the taxi was here....i hate starting out like this....already stressed because i slept in....just breathe...just breathe....Mukesh was so adorable...he just kept saying, take it easy..there's time...you have 5 minutes more....i am sure he gets up for everyone that is leaving early in the morning just as a back up ( and thank god he did)... but i like that the last person at Ashiyana that i got to say goodbye to was him...he was the first person i met and i have loved him from day one...he has been nothing but lovely to me....caring and sweet and it was kind of befitting that he should farewell me...just wish it wasn't it such a rush and fuss....my fault....love to you Mukesh where you may be and what ever you do...i wish you the very very best that the world can offer, you are most deserving.....(insert side nodding of head...Indian style....!!)
nothing freaky to report at Goa airport..all went smoothly....must add here that on my entry into Mumbai on the way to India there was an incident with 2 nuns....on my exit from India i notice two preists behind me and can't help but to smile outwardly...even though this makes me look weird and recieve very strange looks it just makes me smile harder.......
P.s...who do you think hops on my flight out of Goa....the last person to board....my teacher and owner of Ashiyana; Chris....during the flight he passes me and we have a breif chat....
We spent a bit of time chatting again on the bus from Mumbai domestic to Mumbai International and passing through the various security check points together...eventually i lost him on the Visa area.....later when he came into the same cafe i was in he told me what happened....for the life of me right now i can not remember...something to do with security tags on this luggage i think...or was that someone elses conversation that i listened in on....so tired...nothing makes sense.....
flight to thailand was a bit too bumpy for my liking....a few of those announcements to take your seat and refrain from using the amenties due to bad turbulance....but i made it....caught a taxi as i couldn't even consider the train ride and the hassle of that in my frame of mind and complete exhaustion....check into my hotel and decide to go out and find some food....
OH MY FRIGGIN GOD....this place is crazy....like really really crazy....and after my serene month this is an overload that i'm sure you could imagine....the market, the shops, the people, the people, the people....there are so many friggin pe0ple.....i think i saw another foreigner at one stage!!!!
best of all was the fruit guy....chops up fresh fruit for you....got 2 bags of pinepple, 2 bags of watermelon and i bag of this strange apple/pear like fruit that he told me was really sweet.....i didn;t think so but it was really really crunchy so i loved that!!!
only so much a woman can take of this....oh i did get a compliment at the 7/11 store....this asian guy walked past me in the aisle to get to the fridge so i moved out of his way....i had to do it again when he came back...after he passed me he turned back and i thought he must of forgotten something and wanted to pass again, i looked up and he just stood there, turned away then turned back and said he was very very sorry for staring....and that i was very beautiful....just what i needed to hear after days of not sleeping and a full day of travelling...at that stage it was 11pm....a seriously long day....i thanked him very much and my ego was quite content for night......:)
Today being Tuesday.....
i start the day with a breakfast at my hotel....i love the asians....they have dinner for breakfast.....was a nice change....i had chicken and vegetable....they are really mad over their weiners....they have little frankfurts everywhere....it's really funny cause i keep looking out for the party pies and sausage rolls of which i would kill for!!! I head out to find the post office and my supplies for my elephant adventure.....just so you know hindsite is a wonderful thing...you just need to know that now....there are clothes, clothes and more clothes...eventually you must stop and look...and yes purchase...like i said hindsite is wonderful thing.....anyway, didn't find the post office....searched everywhere for one of those tacky travel bags...eventually i bought one...then i really liked the ones with the wheels so bought that too....get back to the room, pack some stuff to mail home....(books, clothes no longer needed etc etc...)....wheel my little bag to the shopping centre which was where i was supposed to find the supplies......only more clothes, clothes and more clothes...or and jewellery, shoes, makeup etc....no gardening gloves, no first aid kit,m not mosquito net....nothing.....i walk out of the shopping centre knowing this time i have to find the post office....i decided to pay the tuck tuck guy to literally take me 5 mintues walk up a lane way that i of course would never have found, nor would i have been able to find my way back to the hotel....
$100 later...my package is in the mail...in a box and my wheely bag is with me!!!....too big to fit into my suitcase i now have to give it away...goodbye $12!!...all this commotion and busyness is disturbing me .......i'm back at the hotel and checking out.....ask for a taxi to get to the bus stop so i can take my 3 hour trip to my jungle beach side resort.....the concierge (who looks 15 years old) asks if i would like to just get a taxi the whole way...after figuring out it will cost me $100 but i get a private car and can relax in the back seat as well as it not taking as long....i cut my losses and nearly yell HELL YEH....all arranged i have my taxi driver am in the car on the way with a guy that i can't understand (did i mention that no one i spoke to so far can understand me.....i feel a bit lost here, i thought india was hard enough but this is busy and no one cares....i think the taxi driver was the concierges dad!!!)....he also chats for then entire time on his mobile...i;ve never known a guy to talk for over 2 hours...literally non stop, at first i thought he was speaking to me and that i really needed to clear my ears out so i kept saying ah huh....then eventually when i said sorry i can't understand you he said....not talk to you, on phone to friend.....yes...arse of self even in Thailand!!!!
2.5hours later i get to Cha-Am beach and my resort....thank you to me for picking a great place...room is great....literally 30 seconds to the beach....very very quite beach side town....decided to go for a walk up the road and have a bite to eat...walked for about 20 minutes...lots of fresh seafood on the side of the road....crab and other crustations for about 220 BHT...roughly $8....dogs are everywhere....walked past this one dog that ended up trying to attack an old ladies leg as she was scootering past it....screams and squeels....i just kept walking hoping the dog didn't think i was easier pray....it's freaked me a bit....
Can't find a fruit guy anywhere....we must have passed several thousand of them into this town but none acutally live here or sell their fruit here...oh did i mention that the staff at my resort here can barely understand english, nor speak it and my thai is really really limited to say the least...the girl in the convenience shop also can't understand english....talk about feeling alone...no wonder i've been in my room for 3 hours typing this update!!!!...it's ok though...i had bought a treat while i was out (and found the best eating spot just up the road)....belgian chocolate icecream.....one of those really really puney little tubs....i now wish i would have bought the big super size one although it would have been gone by the end of this email which is about now.....
the frogs here are chirping up a storm....it's like a chorus of chanting frogs.....i'm just trying to make myself feel better about being completely alone in a country where no one understands what i'm saying and the chanting memory helps....not we sounded like frogs but i'm sure you get the picture!!!
love to all....not sure where the internet cafe is here...not sure i can ask anyone either....you should have been here for the breakfast order...now that was funny....i nearly ended up with weiners!!!!!hopefully we got it right...will know by tomorrow morning....
5 more days of this before i go to elephant land......
p.s. am looking forward to doing some yoga on the lawn tomorrow...huge trees and beautiful green lawns......do you think they'll think i'm weird when i start to Om...maybe i'll just keep the level down.....good night all (or good morning or afternoon...whenever you are reading this....)
love love and way more love from me to you....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
andy
thought i'd stick this one on the end so as not to confuse with two entries,.....
Wednesday 8th Dec
somehow i lost a day...must have been all the traveling...i thought it was only Tuesday!!!
anyway, late last night i realized i was the only person in the resort...just me and this big beautiful place and the staff of course...
breakfast was strange....3 staff members behind the counter eating their fried rice and me with my eggs, bacon and toast.....
i think tomorrow i will ask to just have their fried rice....and some fruit of course...
as the weather this morning was a bit overcast and rainy i decided to call Annie the owner (who's not on the property) and ask where to get my supplies for the elephant refuge. I explained that none of her staff understand me so trying to explain to them that i need gardening gloves, pocket knife, first aid kit and other stuff was a bit too hard. She said she'd ring her staff and find out the best place to go....and would i mind travelling on the back of the scooter....
about 20 minutes later i had my scooter driver and off we went into Cha-Am town centre....
it was really funny....he'd stop somewhere and i'd have to literally guess what i was there for, not one place would have everything i needed....I managed pretty well, got my mosquito netting, a small blanket, gloves, first aid kit and back pack, still couldn't find the pocket knife though....stopped at one more place and no luck there either....he rang Annie to say he'd go a little further on but thought i should stay where i was as the ride was too long to be on the back of the bike....
he dropped me off at the shops and i found a second hand clothing place where i bought a pair of really cute overalls...great for manual labour work!!!
before i knew it he was back but had no luck with the knife still.....we decided that i should go back to the flee market that night at 6pm as they apparently have everything...fingers crossed that is true...might look for a rich elegable bachelor while i'm there....they did say EVERYTHING right!!!
anyway, back at the resort now after i found out that we had wireless here i'm sitting and typing this but the wireless connection will not work....frustrating to say the least....the 3 staff members are still behind me at their station...behind the counter and chatting away....
Don't think i mentioned it before but i'm kind of in my own little imposed silence...not due the fact that i'm not friendly but the language difference does not allow for 'getting to know anyone'.....anyway, since this imposed silence has been on me from yesterday i realized something very interesting....i talk to myself out loud quite a bit....i'm starting the think i'm a bit crazy....and i'm sure the 3 staff members thing it aswell....oh and the scooter driver who had to listen to me rambling to myself as we rode around.....I am strange....lucky i'm cute as a button!!!
anyway, signing off for now, maybe update once the phone line has been checked and i can finally get on line...
time for the pool and some sunning....oh life is so hard in my world.....NOT!!!! i guess that bit is awaiting me though...
finally and obviously the internet was fixed but i did get a few hours of sunning in before that....just about to post this and go back to my little pool oasis....
love, love and more love as always...plus a really big heartwarming smile for all....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
andy

 

characters of ashiyana

a little presentation i made for all my fellow student yogi's and yogini's....unfortunately it doesn't play with the music that i put to it....trust me when i say that in it's original format it's really beautiful.....

The bits and pieces not yet discussed

ok....so besides the day to day stuff...there are a few things not yet discussed.
indian men...just so you know, there will be no love interest here....the men here are rude and arrogant...they have this 'movie star' opinion about themselves...it's amusing to see them walk around and prance...they are like peacocks...but not as good looking!!!don't get me wrong, not all of them are like that just 99.9% that i've come across and they are not scared of approaching you,....or following you....i had this happen on the beach..not sure i shared the experience yet but a young guy came and sat right next to me when i was sunbaking....the whole beach is empty and he found a spot right next me....just staring at me...eventually i got up and moved..i walked about 10 minutes away sat down and then felt someone near me again...he had followed me....unfortunately for him i was not in the best of moods so i sat up and said...'is there something you want'...he said no....so i told him to leave...he just stared at me....so in the end the univeral F**k off was used...he moved a few meters away and just sat there with his friend staring at me.....not that it ends there and i'd hate to miss telling you the whole story....you know how much of a sharer i am!!!...next was the guy in his Y front undies (yes they don't mind just walking around in their underwear here....YUK!!!)...he came and stood directly over me staring at my bum....again i was polite and asked if there was something he wanted....he asked if i wanted a massage!!!...again being polite i said no thanks....aparently those words mean please bother me some more because i'm so turned on by your buddah belly and y front undies....to cut a long story short he asked if i would show him my boobs.....again i thanked the world for those amazing universal words of F**K OFF!!!!  it;s amazing how those words are understood but still not heard...eventually i just had to leave the beach...while another man started to follow me....was not a good day...so hence my opinion on Indian Men....prince charming is not here..
ok next on the agenda is the bum wash....scared to start off with as there is no toilet paper in any of the toilets...it's kind of like grab a napkin or make sure you have tissues....otherwise the whole drip dry thing is really uncomfortable...but the squirt itself....refreshing....i like bum wash...might install one at home!!!
Cold showers....yep, no hot water in the bathrooms....it's not so bad during the day as we have 30 degrees or more but it does cool down and its so humid here that you really need to shower at night....a cold shower at night when you just want a warm one is really really uncomfortable.....am looking forward to have a really nice hot shower at some point during this trip...maybe the next stop
P.s....only 2 days left of the course and fly out on Monday....i didn't even think of looking if the place i'm staying at has hot water.....(insert small prayer here...please say a silent prayer for me as well!!!)
The beach...ok, the beach is beautiful in it's own way...the monsoons have washed up a whole heap of crap onto the beach and the water is clear but it's a brown clear....not so inviting as our clear blue waters....just imagine for a moment.....clear brown water.....mmmmm.....refreshing!!!...it's weird to say the least and i kind of think i'm swimming around in dirty water....the best thing is it's not surf beach so i can actually have a swim and sometimes the catch a little duck fart wave into the beach...oh and it's not deep...you can walk for miles and i'm still up to my belly button!!!....maybe this place was meant for midgets!!
on the same subject of the beach it's really funny that they have an icecream man on a bicycle...i'll post more pics soon but it's quite funny to watch them...they ring there little bell and yell out icecream, icecream...their versi...on of the Mr Whippy van i guess, they even push their bikes through the water as on low tide the beach seperates with a little river.....they are very dedicated as some days the tide in the river is quite strong and the sand is very very soft...you sink into it....it's fun to watch....they also have the ladies and men who walk along the beach with sarongs and jewelery....oh and fresh coconuts and pinapples....am amused.
It's also amusing what you put up with,..the ants run this part of the world...they are everywhere and you wonder what the hell they are doing in your bathroom sink...in your suitcase...on your toilet paper...in your handbag...they are everywhere and you just live with it...no spray, no fuss..you just accept it.....
dogs are also everywhere and like bali their nature amazes me, stray dogs come into the restaurant and roam around, sometimes the site dog will scare them off but to tell you the truth it's really hard to tell the difference between the dog that 'should' be there and the stray dogs....all i can say is that i'm not comfortable jogging on the beach in the morning or early evening...the first time i tried it a pack of about 6 dogs decided to get up and start heading towards me....i'd like to admit at that stage there could have been a few dirty marks in my undies!!!
the internet cafe which is also a restaurant is on the beach...pics of that will be posted soon as well..am running out of time today as i have to go back and do some acro-yoga (acrobatic yoga) and take our group picture...have great pics of Yamina and Vinne doing the acro yoga...it's amazing to watch...kind of Cirque de sol le right in front of you...love it...
yamina is going to see if there is anyone in thailand when i am there to do some therapeutic flying and maybe some acro-yoga...fingers crossed it can be arranged...
anyway have to sign off for now...i have a couple of days notes to post and will do that before i leave...hopefully tomorrow.
love love and more love to everyone..
don't forget to write to me....
it's funny, this is like writing to the universe...no one in particular...just writing
hope i've not been too boring....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

my hour qualifying class

i thought i'd write about how my qualifying class went but instead i'd like to just ask how everyone is....i'd really like to hear from you all.....
if you can't comment on the blog page just send me an email....missandygirl@hotmail.com
guess i'm just a little home sick from those i love...
the class went well; so they tell me...i know i could have done better but i guess i've passed so now it's just a matter of attending the other qualifying classes....
any little contact would be great....maybe i scared you all with my very very lengthy posts....
apologies....won't happen again.
love to all.
please write :)

27.11 & 28.11.10 in India

27.11.10 and part of 28.11.10
morning class spend working on my hour program....very confused...in the end i gave up and just did my own practice...will think about my program later....
still stuggling with the meditation....could someone come and wash out my brain and leave me the peace and tranquility that everyone keeps talking about....is it wrong that i hate them for being able to do what seems like such a simple practice.....i know it's bad, but man it's frustrating,..still haven't found my beads...it's so funny i'm putting so much emphasis on these beads, like it's going to be a life changing situation for me.....i do amuse myself and what i create as an attachment....will keep you posted if i do find my magic beads and they lead me to my beanstalk....
that reminds me...maybe i should be looking for a glass slipper as well....might lead me to my prince charming!!!
anyway on to more things....
breakfast was a tin of baked beans and my normal fruit and museli....i've started to just eat breakfast and lunch....no need for dinner most days...
pilosophy class was next...normally it's a bit of a bitch fight...a few select people making more of these sutras than need to be made...in brief the sutras are a way of life....simply put...you are not your thoughts...you are deeper than that, you live a way of life that is free of greed,  jealously, hatred and any other negative emotions you can think of....each sutra leads you to another and suggestions on how to implement them in your life...i do love it as it just covers most of the stuff i've already been reading....eckhart toll, a new earth....it's worth reading...it's written for this era so has more relevance...anyway...the philosophy class was really quite light hearted....our discussion was on celebacy (which is one of the sutras)...not an issue for me, but for others....well....they weren't too thrilled with idea....lucky for them it doesn't mean no sex altogether...a few rules apply...like you must be married or your long term partner.....again...not an issue for me....we also discussed how it's pathetic that we ask people 'how are you' and we don't really mean it or even stop to listen to their answer, it's also funny how we just answer good thanks, how are you....i told them how i questioned someone in the elevator one day if they were really interested in how i was or were they just being polite....I was amused....the elevator person was not!!!.....sometimes we just get sick of the same old same old...
meditation was next... this is a guided meditation, we start with humming for half an hour....continuous humming...it awakens the charkras...we then ask for particular energies to come into our world and at the end we turn our hands to the earth and give back to the earth that which we are overflowing with.....i do love this whole process....i just wish my arse wouldn't hurt so much and that my legs would stop going to sleep and that my arse wouldn't hurt and that my mind would stay focused.....i really need those friggin beads!!!!......
After meditation i had a Thai massage with Steve....was well needed....there is something strangely nice about someone rubbing your bum when it is so sore....and rubbing my groin and inner legs.....actually it was just nice to have a man rubbing anything....
had to scoff down a bit of lunch as my massage session went for nearly 2 hours...time now for teaching practice....
didn't get much done except lend some ideas on a flow for katya and then go through her 1 hour practice to see if timing was ok...we also ran through a bit of my program as well....still not sure about using the flow i created...it's different and i like that, some of the girls have asked if  i'd show them so of my sequences which is really flattering considering these girls bend like gumby and can do the most amazing things with the bodies....is it wrong to hate them for that too.....the sutras would say yes....
we ran over time in our training so dinner was a bit later than normal....today i had to have dinner....so much training in one day....extra food required....we were all asked to go out for dinner tonight, some of us decided it was better off to be safe and just eat at our home....we at least know they look after us...it was quite interesting, i sat next to Chris; who normally freaks me out as he's so withdrawn...or maybe just feels unapproachable....it turned out to be quite funny,.....he asked how i was, i said fine thanks and how are you...he replied good thanks....i then said...'now that we've been polite can we get on with a real conversation!!' we all laughed...you had to be there of course.....but it was a breaking moment for me....chris is actually quite charming and funny it seems....nice to finally see that
after dinner we all went out to Dunes; or should i say the small group that stayed behind me the larger group....by the time we got there most people had been drinking and the vibe was anything but nice....didn't last long there and found myself back at home by 10pm....a gorup of us sat around and started to chat....it was such a nice night..finally got a chance to chat to Pee Wee....philipino...so beautiful....inside and out....we stayed up till about midnight, i went back to my room with some much needed laxatives and started to work on my program again.....i found that when i finally went to bed i was thinking about the mediation section and all i can say is thank god for voice recording on my phone...i think i went to sleep some time around 2am.....up again at 5.30!!!
28.11.10
ran through my sequence to test timing....i'm way off...need to cut some of the stretches out....tried it twice...still unsure...am doing my session tomorrow...needless to say i'm really nervous....but keep remembering that the worse that can happen is i make an arse of self....we all know i'm used to that...
breakfast was frustrating. we are asked to observed; or should i say 'invited' as we are never told to do anything really.....anyway, everyone bar two of us actually observed the silence....sometimes i wonder why people can't just enjoy the silence....it was interesting to see how annoyed i got....was like watching children who just wouldn't shut up....i think it got to me worse today as i'm so friggin unsure of my sequence and feel unprepared compared to the others who've been doing yoga for a few years now....
i grabbed a couple of girls and tried out my flowing sequence which is the middle part and a bit difficult to teach...seemed to go really well and Linda was great, she did the whole thing with her eyes closed so she could follow my instructions...seemed to work out well....still a bit too long...but i have an idea of how to cut it a little shorter....
we left the resort and found ourselves at dunes having some more food, fresh juice and there are now four of us at a table in the restaurant with computers...it's quite funny...we talk but each are doing our own thing at the same time...i like this kind of interaction...just being with....
i realized today there are only 7 days left here and it's kind of sad....i'll really miss the group and being part of such a different experience.....
anyway...time to sign off, luch has started and i need to get back to eat, drink and be merry!!!
not sure what the rest of the day holds...maybe the beach....
am going to look for a silence retreat or health retreat and maybe only do two weeks at the elephant refuge....i still feel i need something more at this point....
time willl tell
love to all xxxx

26.11.10 in India

26.11.10
well another day has passed and today i was not very grateful...i'm sad i wasted a day on negative thoughts but none the less it has passed and that's what i've done...
the morning asana and meditation was as per usual....a plethera of thoughts and emotions....and of course the fidgetting....always the fidgetting....because of the constant pain....fuck how do these people sit there for hours upon hours without moving....i really have to buy some beads and use them for my meditation..one of the girls has rosary beads...think i mentioned this when i talked about the french lady who instisted on buying two of the same necklaces..unfortunately for me one was the exact thing that i wanted...anyway..i still haven't bought the beads but i'll look tomorrow....i think i'll go to the wifi area tomorrow for lunch and just update the blog and send a few emails...i think i'm feeling a little home sick today.....in need of some close friends and maybe a mummy hug....
haven't spent a lot of time on what i am going through and how this place and the situation makes me feels...not sure if it's something that could be shared in words to the degree that it affects...i haven't even kept a personal diary of it myself....some days i just cry at the simpliest of touch....it always seems that a touch will set me off which is very interesting...just in an observation kind of way...not trying to figure it out as i've come to understand that the why is neither here nor there...it just is...and you should just let it be...hope that doesn't sound too airy fairy but that's as simple as it gets....it's the trying to figure out shit that puts us in the emotional states...of which i spent the better part of today and have now realized i am getting what i am giving out. To most it is a high concrete wall...one i have tried desperately to break down on this trip...i know i made a few dents but nothing like what i was hoping for...not yet anyway....tonight i realized that maybe this part of my trip wasn't so i could find me again and connect with my real self but instead maybe this section in India was to allow me to just accept that i am perfect every second of everyday no matter the changes that happen along the way.....i know that deep down the latter is true but it just seems so very hard to accept at the moment...especially when you know there is an imbalance in what you feel you really are and what you actually portray.....such a huge imbalance and i have not yet figured out how to start bridging that gap....i feel i need to talk it out with one of the teachers but am not sure which one to ask...i hate asking for their time over what seems like trivial things in the big pictures.....i just keep thinking what if in the back of their mind they are thinking 'for god sake, get over yourself, just accept and move on, it's so fucking easy and you've made me waste my lunch time over this!!'...i could probably imagine Chris thinking that..or just in general wanting to be anywhere else but listening to that kind of shit...the others, maybe not but who really knows.....
we had our sharing circle today, the small group one which i love. we talked briefly about how we are feeling about heading out into the 'real' world soon. i admitted that i was fearful on one side but on the other not so much....i feared i'd lose myself again but then on the other side i felt i hadn't changed very much at all so there was really nothing to lose....it was all a bit negative and emotional and i ended up crying again.....(oh yeh, forgot to tell that i had spend part of my anatomy session in random tears as well....just a real sadness swept over me, not sure what about, i very rarely know why i cry at the moment but i'm not trying to justify it to myself either....Ellie came over to sit with me and she touched my shoulders and out it all come.....well not all of it but quite a bit....i wonder how much more is in there to come out and will get rid of more soon rather than later...it;s always a great feeling after you cry at least for a little while anyway....until you do something else that triggers something else deep down and we start the rollercoaster again...
i did feel at some point today that i probably should have chosen an Ashram..something more strict and less nice....or maybe that's just my self-deprevation speaking...make it hard or there's just no point to it....
i have booked for a Thai massage on my lunch break tomorrow and am really looking forward to it....after last nights little taster i forgot how good it all was....now that my back feels much better (now it's just my hips, knees, ankle, elbow etc.....) it will be about my whole body not just my back...
now, back to my actual day today....
after breakfast we had anatomy which was our test....each of our sharing groups had to come up with 10 questions that would be asked to a random individual to answer....mine a little obscure so i got quite stuck in how to answer...felt shit after that (and that was after my crying session earlier....i hate days where everything seems against you, even your own brain) why is it that i could answer most of the questions that were asked of other individuals but got stuck with mine...i couldn't even figure out what the actual question meant which was embarassing and demeaning....where has my brain gone to!!!???
after anatomy we had 1 hour practice our 1 hour assessment program, Katya and I paired up...i know she is confortable with me and i was happy to be asked. Katya had not quite come up with a program so i tested mine on her....there was a couple of things that i would leave out but all in all she seemed to think it was pretty good. ..it's still slow based so i may pick it up in the middle with some dynamic moves....just need to figure out what those will be..
after lunch we had karma yoga and a small group of us decided on beach cleaning....i think i mentioned before that the beach, although beautiful is very very littered.....Chris keeps saying it's becasue of the monsoon...things get picked up by the excess water and find their way into the waterways.....this might be partly true but they also have rubbish piles just randomly in the street and then they burn it....not sure who decides when to burn and if they have a designated day for burning off like we do for water but no wonder when the monsoon rains come that the waterways are filled with crap...it's the crap they leave on the road....be thankful we have rubbish collectors!!!!!
after karma yoga we take a group photo and then go into our small sharing circle....i'm wiped after that so i go off to be..write this piece and am just about to turn the lights off.....tonight was dancing, which normally would have been great fun but i'm just not in the mood....
think i should go to sleep and hopefully wake up a better person tomorrow.....
i love the silence, i just need so much more of it at the moment...oh yeh, today i got protein....two tins of sardines for breakfast and for lunch they made omlettes.....yeh for real food!!!!
tomorrow, baked beans maybe....
night to all xxxxx

25.11.10 in India

25.11
could not get up this morning....the joints in my body are aching are so badly....would it be ok to take a sick day today......guess not...
off to meditation, pranayama and then my 2 hour morning practice....this morning i managed to lay on the mat for two hours rolling around and doing other various body movements that allowed me to keep my arse firmly on the mat....i could barely keep my eyes open....what the hell is wrong with my body....i pray for it to be over so i can just go and have breakfast....am starving and my tummy keeps grumbling along with that sick feeling as well...it not surprising after i stuffed myself stupid yesterday......(oh i don;t think i mentioned that in my second draft...it was in the first one that closed down on me.....yep, had an eating frenzy....was kind of lost with the speak, don;'t speak stuff and when i eventually got back to my room i decided to consume quite a few of the snacks that i had bought for the next few days......i found that chocolate which is too sweet for me normally goes really well with a dry cracker and water......crunchy and creamy and the plain cracker soaks up some of the sweetness with it's blandness...happy food blending.....unhappy belly.....there's some more food to try and get out of my system....) ahh the thought makes me want to vomit but it's my own stupid fault....got caught in my head space and was not very calm about it....i realized that is one of my very bad habbits and one which i'm glad to have noticed...now to just pick up on it before i head into it again....
breakfast soon comes and as i sit down to my fresh fruit and roasted honey nuts with a slice of bread i soon realize why my body is so unbelievably sore (now i say this as i used to really work my body hard and i am in no way working it as i used to)...protein....not enough protein....sure we have beans for lunch and dinner but breakfast is just carbs carbs and more carbs...nothing to feed out muscles....with all the carbs we eat i am now craving sweets during the day and acting on it....a cake here, a budda dream slice there (oh my god this slice is amazing...they actually sell out of it everyday!!!)...a chocolate bar...or two....it's stupid....i need to get back to my eggs.....i'm going to ask tomorrow if i can buy eggs and have them boiled so i can keep them in my room and eat them for breakfast instead....maybe even some savory beans for breakfast....i need something that is more nourishing now....and the other thing is when you're body is high in sugar your joints hurts more and this is not helping my back to heal either.....MUST have a word with someone about this tomorrow.
We finished our mini class sessions today and i think we are all going to make pretty great teachers by the end of this... just some more actual practice; which hopefully i;ll get when i;m in thailand....offer it to my fellow volunteers....keep me and my practice going either way.
after our mini classes we all got together in the round challa for an offering to the gods....we were asked to bring something that meant a lot to us, a picture, a token of home, a daiety or the like.....what the fuck....i didn't bring anything like that with me.....the only thing i have that means the world to me is my necklace....ok, maybe not the world but it has significance in my mind.....crap..i don;t want to give that up, i kind of feel lost without it....it reminds me of second chances and more.....i know we are getting it back, wish i had of bought a cheap necklace or one of those daiety statues i keep looking at....
we chant, we light candles, we sing, we dance, we pray and we offer up our sacred peice to the gods and ask to be looked over.....tears well up as i kneel down before the alter with my head on the ground and my arms above my head offering my necklace....i should have just cried....not sure why i keep holding that shit in.....footnote to self.....release this shit once and for all.....if you want to cry, cry...if you want to yell, yell....it's so much worse when you bottle you in...
after we all make our offering we then head to the river with a flower and we chant together, releasing our flowers into the river....i forgot why we did this but it was moving at the time....must ask someone about the intention of the flower into the river....i know it will be an offering again but not sure what for....
lunch time was next....sat on the beach.....had every intention of looking over some standing poses to add to my hour session but it was such a nice day and my body was so tired i just lay there.....didn;t even go for a dip...didn;t have the energy to fight the waves....shower, dress and off to class.  This session is about giving and receiving in the form of a massage....we each get and give a half hour thai massage, guided by our lovely teachers Susie and Yamina....
to start we did some exercises and then gathered some energy....oh and yes we did chant more....i don;t think i ever get sick of chanting....then we closed our eyes and let the magnetic field around us pull us to our partner for this session....i was truly lucky and was partnered with Linda...she is one of my very favorite people here....she has a soft nurturing was about her but still has a very strong and solid energy...reliable...she is alike a hug...soft and reassuring....she let's me receive first and i am truly greatful....first we have to connect with our partners so we are asked to stand infront of each other, stare into the other persons eyes and we are asked to think of us as one...see if we can blend both of us together in our energies so that we each receive the healing of Thai massage. it was a really nice moment...strange to look at someone for so long but lucky i have done that before...thanks again Human Potentials and my course on life!!!
I have to say...i surrendered pretty much from the moment my body laid back on the mat....the rest was pure bliss....think i'll book our thai massage guy we have on site...see if i can get in on Sunday or during a lunch break sometime....
Once my session was over we then swapped....it was great to be guided through in the technique...would love to have had that filmed, it's a really lovely little massage.....hopefully i remember most of it.....will try it out on someone else and see how i go...
oh that reminds me....i just kept seeing wildlife today....it stared with the frog and the tortoise in the pond outside Kim's room (which used to be my room), then i saw a really little frill neck like lizard but with out the frill on the shrub i was sitting next to at breakfast, then i saw a bee making a hive under a leaf....not sure how that will go for the little guy....next was lunch and another lizard...big one this time...half way across the paddock there is a pile of wood.....i heard a noise and looked up to see this lizard just landing on a log that was protruding from the pile...he was sunning himself....at no stage did i have my camera on me today....again, footnote to self...always take camera!!!
after my thai massage i went off to the shop...determined to get some protein of some sort that i can have to snack on or to at least replace breakfast.....get there and the power is out...lucky i have a torch!!,.......i search the shelves and finally purchase some sardines in oil, baked beans and some strange looking cheese....not sure what is worse..the highly processed cheese or the fruit full of sugar!!!.....
starting from tomorrow i am eating more protein and getting off this sugar treadmill......oh did i mention the bounty bar i bought along with the other stuff....
ok, tonight was my last night...besides i didn't eat dinner.....and got caught is a massive down pour....by the time i got back to my little hut there was not power and i was soaking!!!!
was supposed to go for a movie night tonight.....i passed on it....too tired.....needed to lay down...
now it's time to close the eyes and call it a day...
big love to today and those that made it all that more special
xxxxx

24.11.10 India

i just typed for over an hour about my day today...
i must have leaned on something and the entire thing was lost....
now i am sad and pissed off....
i wonder if this is my Karma for being negative toward the shop keeper and the French lady (who is running a group at Ashyana...i find her extremely rude. nothing different about how i found her when we wanted to purchase the same thing...she actually bought the last two of them...was a bizarre little discussion in a circle...firstly she just wanted one..then when i was definate about purchasing the other one she decided she needed both....Fuck her...yep...not nice but that was the thought ...it was fuck her and fuck the shop keeper...i tried asking if he could make more but he didn't have anymore of the same stones...i really really needed that fuckin necklace....i have been trying to find something that i like that i could use like rosary beads to make my meditation a bit better..more concentrated...i find the one thing that i like and that fuckin cow takes both of them.....FUCK HER AND THE HORSE SHE RODE IN ON...
ok...that off my chest now...i'm signing off and will update today later tomorrow.
notes:
morning class...nervous about teaching
got up in the morning and although i knew our mini sessions had been planned for wednesday and thursday the nerves when i saw it posted on our daily routine board really kicked in...all through my own practice, all two hours of it i couldn;t help but to go over and over in my head what my routine was....when i tried it out in practice class i went over time....a whole ten minutes...i knew i had to change it but i just didn;t know what to drop and what to keep. i then started to think that i would be better off choosing something different altogeher...i didn't think the routine was up to scratch and i felt i didn't have enough asana's in my routine...considering this is for a yoga teacher i thought i should actually have poses where i instructed more...the routine i had lacked that badly....i spent the first half of my morning practice thinking about it and the next half trying different blends....by the end of it i was tired and confused...i resigned myself to the fact that what ever happens i am not doing my mini class today....pray...just keep praying that they choose the others...not me....i'll have enough time later today on my half day off to come up with something great, try it out and be set for the next day....all through breakfast i wrote and rewrote my sequence....shit, what about the actual instructions....it's fine to come up with a sequence but now i have to consider the main points about the instructions....crap..nerves are really getting me now....i've scoffed my breakfast...i don;t even remember eating most of it (thank god really as i had a bread roll with crunch spirilina and butter....yummy.....NOT..what's the fuckin deal with white bread....it's super bad for you and they've served it here twice....i'm confused....)...still not satisfied i continue my praying and reassurance that i will not have to do my mini class today....
we all met up in the round challa for a quick chat and to advise that we would be training our small circle group only but our teacher will change (our normal teacher for small circle is Alex...he is there to hold the space and direct if necessary)..our group will be supervised by yamina who i love...hard not to love her...she is love....through and through...i wish i could see the aura as i've been told her's is quite amazing....anyway back to the mini class.
My group is to do their sessions in the treehouse challa...YEH...i love this area....tree tops and wood...i am at home and at peace there....which probably explains the next thing that happened.
Yamina asked if there was any volunteer to go first today.....surprise surprise i shot up my hand so straight....almost like saying ME ME ME...pick ME...i'm a fucken desperate!!!!!....so it was me, fabian and ellie to go first today...
we were then asked who would like to go first out of us three....yep you guessed it....again my hand shot up...no one was taking this place....i made sure of that...up on my feet and ready to take action.....
i think that's when the OH CRAP feeling set in....kind of like i;d played a really bad joke on myself.....now i'm in the poo....nothing left to do now but jump right into it...
my session started with some awareness and centering, then slow movements to wake up the spine, followed with full bodfy relaxation...i used a technique that when i first tried it it made me relax, giggle and feel great....
the comments on the session where all positive and that's really nice but i think i'd have preferred to hear something i could work on more....for god sake i;m not that friggin good.....maybe everyone didn't want to say anything bad as i was the first....i'll never know so i'll stop thinking about it now....
Fabian's class was in french, surprising enough you can still follow most of it with your eyes closed...was a great leg strethcing routine....we all decided we were going to put that sequence in our bag of goodies....
elle's class - enlightening....moving...she embodies the goddess of the earth and such a giving soul...she is amazning for someone so young...i admire her character, truthfulness and open heart...i know everyone probably feels this with her but it's hard not to think that our souls are linked..she somehow manages to speak my heart truth...feelings i can not express she manages to say and it releases my heart at that same time...a bizarre feeling but I do love her to peices....hard not to when she has my words :)
today we also get to do karma yoga...not sure if i've discussed this before but Karma yoga is not quite yoga but more of the Karma part with keeping in the theme of our Patanjali Sutras (i will discuss the Sutra's at some time as they are very enlightening but also cause so much turmoil and discussion) i decided on being part of the team that helped clean the round challa, took 4 of us the whole 90 minutes to reorganize the mats, bolsters, mop the floor by hand, wash the walls down and tidy the place up in general....really made a difference to the way the energy is in the room now....Ellie told us the other day in the sharing circle that the round challa has bad energy and she had been trying to clear it out without any real luck....because it is round with minimal windows you stare at white walls and columns....most of our theory classes are held in that room and i can tell you there has been more than one occassion when someone has nodded off!!....she also explained that it has a lower vibrational energy so it takes more time to bring us up to a higher vibrational energy keeping us interested and happy....it all make sense when you see the difference in the group between the round challa; which is great for chanting because the round room makes the voices bounce back and resonate, and the main challa which is made of wood, wood and more wood with three quarters of it open to the gardens surrounding it...of course we have mosquito nets...not that they help much as we also have large areas of roof missing so that the palm trees could remain.....there are three in a central line in this room...yoga here is the beautiful as it feels like you are in the garden...the noises are great the fresh air...everything about it.....
anyway....we cleaned the round challa and we all felt pretty darn good after it...
have i mentioned we are in our first day of a two day silence.....which is stupid as we had to talk for our mini class and again for karma yoga...logistically speaking..no chit chat but still....if you want us in silence...give us the space to have to have the opportunity for full silence....i would have much preferred that then speak, don;t speak, speak, don;t speak...tomorrow will be similar no doubt....they should have assigned homework for these two days and we could have enjoyed the silence as well as the solititude....oh well....kind of feels pointless and breaks you out of the routine of silence....i forgot a couple of times; which i never do and ended up speaking without realizing.....give me two solid days any day...the back and forth with speaking has really stuffed me up...
decided to try and log into the wifi here from the dining room...i was told i would be able to access it there...no such luck...instead i started work on my one hour assessment class to be held sometime next week...got distracted and wrote out a whole bunch of asanas that I wanted to try and would be able to do in the morning practice.....
after spending about and hour on that i decided it was best i go check my emails and maybe update my blog...i got to the wifi place; which is a hotel up the road where they have table and chairs outside so people can use the wifi...i fired up the computer and started emailing...unfortunately for me i was attacked by a swarm of mosquitos.....they love my arse!!!...and my legs....i can no loger count the amount of bites on me....it's ridiculous.....the mosquito coils and repellents are useless against this super strain of man sucking vampires......needless to say i didn't spend much time emailing and definately didn't bother updating the blog....
may do that over that weekend....might just bore everyone with my day to day ramblings....sure they'd all love that...
the end of the day was our big sharing circle....we sit in the round challa, chant and om for while and then we hand around a crystal which Yamina had special for our group...the person with the crystal gets to  speak about their feelings....we don;t do stories here....thank god for that ....if you want t express something you just say the feeling....not the how and the why...just the feeling....and then you sit with that and observe yourself...sounds strange but i like it...i do get sick of everyone saying only positive things though....the first time we did this exercise was very early on and everyone said things like joy, love, connectedness, peace...blah blah blah and i'm sure they are all genuine....me, well i said....lost...i felt lost....i was with a whole bunch of people i didn't know in a country i was unsure of and i just wasn't feeling the love....most of the time i don't share;  you have an option to hand the crytal to the person next to you if you do not feel like sharing or speaking....i choose this options most of the time....the second time I shared was during the week that i hurt my back....everyone was still saying very positive things...me i just felt plain old vulnerable.....i'm learning that sometimes even if it is the truth...you are best to keep saying nothing....it bring the energy down and i dont want that on my shoulders....
This evening we were all asked to make a comment about the silence and we were feeling about it...i said amused...really wanting to ad that i was amused at how pointless the exercise was....well you heard my take on that earlier so no point flogging a dead horse.....
Tonight i have to admit....i'm just in pain ....i need some relief now....it;s just waring me down....i',m tired from not sleeping well due to my back, my sciatic nerve has just been playing up again and kept me awake with constant pain....pain killers are not helping either....oh did i mention i'm constipated, yes i'm in india and i'm constipated!!!!!...sometimes i wish i;d get some india belly just to clear me out.....
update completed....i now need to type out what happened today as i was just typing about yesterday due to the erasing of my original typing....refer opening comment to remind you....xx

2 weeks in India

2 Weeks in India

hello, hello, hello.....
Wow...2 weeks have just flown by but not really, but looking back it has, but when i was in it it wasn't.....
firstly hope all is well with everyone...i'm smiling as i'm typing cause this is the first contact i've had with anyone for the past two weeks...it's nice....
So obvioulsy i finally have some time to write about the last two weeks...
it's hard to know where to start and summarize not wanting to make anything here irrelevant.
From day one i met the two most amazing people who have definately left an inprint in my heart.
Kim from Canada...one of the oldest in the group and by far one of the funniest and most genuine people i've ever met...(more about her later)
Mukesh who is our wonderful receptionist and who has the most welcoming smile...it's hard to believe anyone couldn't like him...he's one of those people you want to bottle up and take everywhere with you...his smile actually does warm your heart...he's the most beautiful energy.
There are 25 of us students and we come from all, but the majority seems to be Canadian, American, English and even one more Aussie apart from myself...and yes i know everyones names; thanks to a great name game we played on day 3...actually my memory is getting much better here...must be all the lentils!!!
Food...i'll just get this out of the way....AMAZING....i love being cooked for everyday...i love coming into the dining area and knowing that our 4 Nepalise cooks will have each of my meals ready for me to dish up and they are such lovely people...can't understand anything they say to me and nor can they understand anything i say to them..such a wonderful relationship...they prepare, cook and clean just for me (oh and the other 50 people at the resort)...i'm thinking of marrying one of them!!
Now before i get started on the training and the teachers and the students which will take up most of the time, i have to tell you about my accommodation. Originally i was sharing with Kim and Neuong (another student) in the Lake Down room...a very large stone room with three beds and two bathrooms....very very beautiful during the day when you have the doors open and the light and breeze can come through, but at night when it's all shut up...it was like being in a cave!!! lucky that before i moved in with the girls i had already been approached by Chandra (our wonderful resort manager) who guaranteed me that i will be moving to a beach hut as soon as it was finished. The monsooon season had been unpredictable and had delayed building works...a week later...i'm here in my beach hut room..newly built (by hand) and just off the beach...i have sea views from my balcony (and my room if i leave my door open but i'm not in the room that often...our study is kind of insane!!)...We have guards patrolling the resort which spans a huge distance...it takes me a good 8 minutes to reach the classroom and i'm on the same property...it's wonderful...i never imagined it was going to be this beautiful..
Side note: today i discussed how i had realized i had already started to take thing here for granted...like the lovely view, the beach, the food, the whole experience...i had to litereally shake myself and say YOU are in India...you are actually living a dream, living a real culture that you love, you are surrounded by like minded people who are truly amazing...even thinking about it now i have a huge smile on my face....i am in INDIA!!!...i am studying to be a Yogini.....I am actually doing this, emersed in this world where i actually fit in..where people tell the absolute truth...where heart felt emotions are an everyday occurance...where sharing is truly appreciated...where you feel like you're a part of something here and now but also a sense that you are part of something bigger to come....I love that i have done this....I love that i was given this opportunity....Today i vow to mnyself not to take this experience for granted...each moment is genuinely amazing, regardless of whether it is confronting (which each day brings a new confront or several for me!!), loving, exciting, sad or frustrating...it's mine to experience and i want to experience it conciously...(Did i just run off on a tangent...i think it's all the Bakti loving we get here...and yes we also chant and sing...which i absolutley love...:))
Now, again back to my summary of the past couple of weeks....
Teachers....they are great we have 4, Susie and Yamani who are female Bakti (loving) yoga teachers...they generally teach the asana's (poses) pranayama & meditation(breath..which is the most benefical and i now find the part i love the most) dance, chanting, blessing to the gods and the subtle body (our charkra's, nadi's and other forms of energy systems) as well as being our nurturing ears and having wonderful arms to hug and hold you when you break down and cry which you do quite often here...even the boys (of which there are only two but still it's not just us girls)...it's true when they say you meet yourself on the yoga mat...if you're still enough you can't escape it...
The other two teachers are Chris and Alex. Chris is the owner of Ashyana and a very learned Yogi, we would call him the philosopher, Alex on the other hand is our Anatomy teacher and his spirit, fun and lightheartedness keep me going. i'm also lucky to have Alex as part of my 'small sharing circle'. We participate in most things as a large group but we are all very very fond of our smaller sharing circles..we not only bond with these other 6 people we get to express ourselves in a smaller environment...we discuss everything from health, annoyances, frustrating people, impossible asana's, fears, discourangments and generally just the ridiculous conversations you have in your own head about the most ridiculous things but they somehow lead you to an awareness and you'd like to share it with people who listen and care....it really is a nice gathering and we have now started to do these sessions down on the beach at sunset which allows us to also go for a swim after the circle finishes. ...i have to say that at first i was very very resistant to the whole thing...bit schoolish and childish to me...i didn't want to be told who i should share things with...lucky for me i have the best group where we actually do care about each other so you really do want to share and you really really want the other members in your group to share as well.....ok...enough about the sharing circle...you all get it...moving on...
Summary my arse!!! I was never one for a short story though...
i have notes about some days..but some i don't even get a chance to review at the end of the day...you get so tired after chanting, then meditating, then practice, then study, then more study, then practicing teaching, then sharing, then chanting, then homework....
will try to be a bit more vigilent about it in the coming days....
now before i get off track again i have to just tell you all that i love the silence....those hours when you don't have to be polite, to talk about nothing....it's so friggin nice...and i do really well at it...i sometimes even extend it for a couple of hours more when i can....yes, me...not tallking...and loving it...I realized that most of what I say is irrelevant and not worth saying in the first place....what a relief...i can finally just shut the f**k up!!!....not all the time...sometimes i like to hear useless drivel coming out of mouth....it's fun to talk in circles (as we mostly do!!)
ok, study...how about a summary of our usual day....
7am - meditation and pranayama
8am - asana class
10am- breakfast
11am - Philosophy
12.45pm - Anatomy
2.10pm - Lunch
4.30 - Teacher Training
6pm - practice teaching
7pm - Dinner
8pm - Love circle / Chanting / dance
now just in case any of you are thinking well you get over two hours for lunch....by the time you get back to your room, shower, change, go down for lunch, chat to a few people, come back to your room, read your homework, do your laundry and rest your brain for a 10 minutes, you are walking back to the classroom to start the evening session....all i can say is that i am really really glad that i did not study something like Ashtanga yoga (they are seriously regimented) or book myself into an Ashram. At least here we are able to go off site and enjoy the beach, go to the local store, markets etc....(no i have not been to the markets as my first day off i was sick with vomiting and diarrohea and the second half day off i had hurt my back and for the last few days have been in severe pain...but i am one with my pain now :)....sorry yoga joke!!)
moving on again....man i am now realizing how my brain functions.....it's really all over the shop....jumping here and there....must speak to the master guru about that...maybe i can do some hail mary's and be cleansed...oh crap...this isn't a church..i have to actually work through this shit!!!!...i'm starting to love my confrontations...
ok, where was I...yes..moving on....
oh i just realized..... is there anything else to summarize.....
let me see....i've told you about my two favorite people, the actual place, my room, the food, the teachers, the classes, the crying (well i didn't really tell you a lot about that but maybe another time...let not bring this down!!) the chanting (did i mention how much i really really love the chanting...seriously, this is the highlight of my morning and evening...i didn;t realize the effect that chanting has on your charkra's which means it effects every part of your being....i know it's true as it's definately effected me....i can actually sing....well maybe not by myself but as a group i sound wonderful :).....
and yes we Om all the time....kinda love that too....
last but not least and something that is definately worth a mention....
sitting cross legged....all day....yep, all day apart from when we eat...oh no, i lie....we sit cross legged for that too....i am a definate fidgetter....they say that the stillness with which you can sit is the reflection of your mind.....again...back to the scrambled mind.....i'm screwed!!!!...if my knee doesn't hurt then my groin hurts, i've worked through that pain and then i start to go numb..you'd think that's a good thing and yes in a way it's great but then this just highlights the fact that your back is aching and your arse can no longer stand it.......yep....that's my day in a summary....
i think i did pretty well....only a couple of thousand words or so.....
and remember it's not so much the action you take but the quality of mind when you take that action......
Cherished love to all
xxx
andy
P.S. i'll update much more now that i'm in a better grove and am not sick or disbabled.....
love love love and more love.....you can never have or give enough xxx
and yes i do miss you all