My Indian Finale` and Thailand Sanctuary...

Just a warning you may want to settle in for this one....it's a long one...but some of it's worth it....even if i do say so myself...
so summary time as my yoga experience is over but first i thought i'd share my graduation day with you as i was a bit rushed the last time I was on the computer.
The Friday night i got really bad RBS (think i mentioned it already....it's ok, no details necessary other than to say it was a toss up which end took the toilet first at times!!!).... now because of my untimely body explosions i also missed our owning outing together which was to go out on one of the boats and see the dolphins and have a swim in the clearer water (apparently it gets slightly blueish the further you go out....nice to know it's not always a clear brown!),  i eventually stopped body exploding around 8am, i was so over it i actually tried to change my flight details....little did i realize it was Saturday so my cry for help was unheard...turned out to be a good thing in the end as i know the ending of the story (or at least the Indian part of it :) )....
now back to the graduation story...
we all met up at 4pm (which is after our lunch break)...everyone presenting nicely in anticipation of receiving our certificate.
We sat in the round Shala; all together for the very last time......
They had laid out flower petals of all shapes, sizes and colours in the shape of the Om symbol, and our teachers were all dressed in white...very picturesque.
we started with Om's and chanting and the teachers went around to each of us, presented us with a lai, hugs filled with genuine love and pride (for not just the student but for themselves...later on I was to find out that this group was the first to have those teachers and yet it seemed like they had been teaching together for ages)..and words to reasure you that you were honored and respected as a being and a yogini....it's funny how i had struggled for the most of this course with the love issue....as in loving myself and giving love freely and yet all the teachers saw how much love I had given...apparently just in my smile....i think we all agreed i was still requiring some work in the loving of me but these things take time and i am much better than i have ever been.......sorry...another tangent...ok back to the story...at great lengths.....
after we all recieved certificates we did what all groups should do and honoured our teachers.....each with a group hug...( a 24 person group hug is pretty special!!!)....
The next part of the story is where it gets really hard to put into words yet again....sorry..i know i keep doing this and normally i'm really good at finding the group of words to do things justice....i can only try here again....
Susie & Yamuna had us make two circles, one smaller in the centre and one larger on the outside and we faced each other....this was to be our love and appreciation circle. One person enters the circles with their eyes closed, the group then lightly touches them, stroking thier hand, arm, feet, legs, face, hair (the choice was yours) to show affection and love so each touch was very gentle and each touch guided them gently around the circle to others to show their affection and love...of all the other wonderfully loving and caring experiences they had previously bought into my world this had a way of breaking each and every one us....
when Susie finally came behind me to guide me into the circle her touch made me start crying....if you could just for a moment close your eyes and sense people on either side of you, like being in a tunnel, having to trust those people will guide you but thier touch also offers an energy of sincere love, gently stroking your face and hair...briefly holding your arm and extending the touch to a stroke...like they do not want to let you go, holding their hand on your heart as if to say you are ok and i know the real you, gently pulling you closer to them for a brief hug to say farewell, whispering in your ear how amazing they think you are, wiping away the tears that stream down your face and when your time in the circle is finished your dearest friend holds you as you both give in to the emotion of the affection and love just recieved and the realization of our time together ending........
as i type this the memory of the night replays, step by step and again my cheeks are wet with new tears shed and my eyes are still full of tears to come...
For all of you.....i wish this experience for each and everyone.
once finished we held the hands of the people next to us and still facing the person opposite in the smaller circle we started to walk around slowly so both circle move in different directions....we then go to look into the eyes of each of those across from us...all being moved by the show of emotion that was on each of our faces...through tears or warm heart filled smiles  we each knew this was our real farewell....the final night of month together.
The love and affection doesn't end their of course as we are all about the L O V E....another group hug was called for...this time full of tears, tears and more tears...and of course after the group hug was done there is always the individual hugs that need to be added to your reserve of love ;)
That night was our student entertainment...(we were asked if we would like to give 5 minutes to the group, either as an individual or smaller groups...most people were really on the ball with this...but there was some seriously talented people in the group....singers, dancers, writers (not published but should have been)...i was stuck...i had nothing so decided against a last sharing moment), earlier that day during our lunch break i had shown Linda my photo slideshow of the group...oh firstly, some brief words about the lunch hour we spent together; we had just been talking generally and Linda turned to me like she just realized we would not be doing this forever...i would actually be leaving (Linda is staying to teach Yoga....super lucky, super deserving as well)...the tears started and we both sat their staring at each other with this new found realization that we had, till then, been avoiding really feeling it....for most of the lunch hour we had tears in our eyes, also discussing how the friendship we had formed would never be the same as the bond we had there and then....formed from mutual experience and many hours just being us....and yes as i type this i cry at the thought of never being face to face with my beautiful friend again and having that amazing feeling of freedom and love just by looking at each other....I am eternally grateful she was sent to me...and blessed that i had a whole month of her spirit, her glances at me when our favorite 'talkers' would take over the conversation, the looks of sheer disapproval when people talked in our 'reserved silent times' and her anal control issues about people not being on time.....and just so everyone is aware...i openly called Linda anal about her control issues....she eventually (on Sunday...our actual last day) started to calm down about it...so very very proud of her...:).....sorry i did it again...i was talking about the student entertainment....
Anyway....i had shown Linda the slide show...which inevitably made her cry (in actual fact she watched it 4 or 5 times before i left and cried everytime she saw it...so unbelievably sweet)...she insisted that i show it that night to the group....i was confronted with the whole sharing thing (not sure if i've even spoken about that issue with you guys yet..but just in brief...i find it really really hard to share...the fear of judgement takes over)...would I, could I, should I....why was even considering it...i had about 6 people still missing or with terrible pics and after lunch was graduation....i tried taking pictures of those 6 people and you would not believe it .,..they all failed to turn out.,...not just bad but miserably....i resigned myself to the fact that it was never going to happen on this short a notice....strangely though after graduation finished, those 6 people materialized for me (physically not in some kind of freaky ghost like manner!!)...pics were taken...really good ones and instead of dinner (remember i had that bad case of body exploding earlier...yes it's still that same day....well there was 24 hours to write about so hang in there, it's nearly finished)...i took myself to my room and uploaded the pics, wrote a short line about each person and put a song to the slide show, packed my laptop and mozied on down to our talent night...all prepared to finally share something real from me to them...
the talent night started with Maudy and Cloe singing (both professionally trained and amazing voices)....Vinnie was on the bongo...was such a beautiful way to start the evening....next was Nootie...she did a kind of sort of belly dance but more like a freestyle belly dance it was clear nothing was planned except the outfit...full on bellydancing which poses the question...does she just take that on all her overseas trips!!!.....it was fun and at the end we all got up and she tried to teach us a couple of moves....after that was Kimberly....she had us in tears of laughter....she sat in front of Susie (her small group leader) to sing a song of appreciation...it's apparently a North American nursery rhyme...but really really cute, which was why we all laughed so much...after that she made a brief speak and played a song that she loved and we all got up and danced with her...R&B funky song...never heard it before but was cool...some of the guys did some breakdancing and my fellow Aussie Phoebe (and also greek, not that you'd pick it she looks like a surfy chick!!) did the worm..or snake or what ever you call it....brave as that floor is concrete so cant imagine it being too nice on your hips, ribs and breasts!!!...after that we were each presented with a disc of the mantra's and chants we had been singing for the past month, one of the girls had been recording our singing so we can each remember those amazing sounds to bring us back to our Indian adventure.....(P.S, i was not given a disc as my computer doesn't have a disc drive so i opted to have them loaded via a USB....problem being that the girl that recorded them is on Mac so it's MP4 and i can't listen to them!!!!!)...next was Greg and PeeWee..they had a slide show presentation (one i knew they were working on and i also knew we randomly picked the same song to go with our slide show!!)....they read out a poem first and then played thier presentation...it was very moving.....during this time my inner voice is screaming....go and tell Alice (who was our MC for the night) that i had a presentation as well...just do it...just get up off your friggin arse and put yourself out there....don't think just do.....
just so you know this went on for a good 5 minutes..in the end they packed up the projection stuff and we were onto our last talent for the night....i missed my opportunity...no regrets but i laugh at myself at how much i am afraid of people judging me...besides my pictures weren't as good as Greg and PeeWee's...it would have pailed in comparison....you realize this was my justification....:)....i know, i know...pretty f**ked up but i just have to accept that is were i am at the moment...hopefully one day, opinions won't bother me so much....strange how i thought they never did but came to realize how much it does affect what i'll show of the real me....Lessons, lessons....gotta love em...
oh and to end there was a poem written and read out by Julia and Sirus (story behind that couple but no real need to waste time on that, it's funny how so much of us were affected by them though...p.s. Julia has/had a fiance that was living just up the road....just so you know why we were all affected in different ways to that...now enough said)...the poem was a humorous look at our teachers and taking the piss out of them....something i really don't like or find amusing, so the night for me ended on a bit of low note (everyone else was amused, it was just me) especially after such a lovely slide show from Greg and PeeWee....anywho....
Later on Kimberly and i sat on the beach and chatted...Vinnie came past so joined us....he's adorable...reminds me of Scott (my room mate...and yes Scott i know you know who you are, but they may not know who you are..:)) with a very strong European accent (forgive me for not remembering which country but there was 25 of us!!!...it was kind of german maybe but nicer...Austrian, not that i've ever heard that before; i'm clutching now so i'm going to let it go), he's our amazing
acro yoga super star as well as knowing partner yoga and that really hard core dancing thingy...starts with C...i know what it's called but can't for the life of me remember how it's spelt...anyway...adorable and talented is our Vinnie and we spoke about him coming to Australia to do some Acro Yoga workshops....fingers are seriously crossed for that...as well as every other part of my body that can be!!!...if you get a chance look him up on http://www.flying-yogis.com/ i'm told there is a video on there.
ok, night ended and my very last day was tomorrow....lots of people leaving...no doubt emotions will be high...best get some sleep....
added....not too much sleep happened, ran into Erin on the way back to my room and ended up in a heart to heart till way past midnight....having not had any night the night before due my explosions needless to say i was exhausted for my very last chance to meditate and enjoy my morning yoga practice with friends in the Main Shalla (my favorite place...all wood and trees....)...Linda was late (not that we were on a schedule anymore)....don't worry i made her face the fact that lateness happens to everyone....she's getting there :)....so there we were...Linda, Ellie and I...all enjoying our last moments of being here...my heart was smiling as i also realized how amazingly lucky i have been to have had this experience and to look at Linda and Ellie; of whom i love dearly, and know that they will forever and always be the best memories of my trip....
breakfast was strange...we all bought out laptops to the table and were supposed to exchange songs, pictures etc....i did some sharing but somehow i didn't end up with any music which was what i was really hoping for. the pictures taken by others were incredible but they were not my experiences so i didn't bother taking photo's, anyway it was strange as it really through the vibe out...we were normally in silence in the morning and there's no way you'd even consider bringing your laptop to the eating area especially during eating hours....it really threw that beautiful balance right out the door....
although the teachers had planned to have a final gathering of the group, the group (or smaller part of it that tended to sway the program a bit and speak on behalf of everyone) decided it would be best to leave things as they were....our farewell was yesterday and they didn't feel we needed another gathering..
you probably realize that was not my opinion...one last chant on our actual last day would have been great and one last parting comment from each of our teachers would have finalized it for me...but that's just me....a very very small portion of the group....oh did i mention i was not the shortest...PeeWee was...I was second shortest....now that's gotta be a first!!!
I had only one thing planned on Sunday and that was a last massage...schedule for 2pm...it was already midday and i also knew that Kimberly was leaving at 2pm so i figured a short trip to dunes....emails....blog page etc and then head back to say farewell, get a massage and end the afternoon packing before spending the rest of the day with Linda and others ready to leave that night or the next day....
Kimberly ended up arriving at Dunes so my departure time was delayed and the farewell was tears and belly laughs....Kimberly has always wanted to spoon me....i think she just really missed her husband and we were quite close...just not that close....i told her if she remembered to email me i'd let her come to Australia and spoon me for one night....i love her...she's a real character and a true carer...very very nuturing.
the rest of the day was a bit of a blur of goodbyes and packing and finishing up with accounts and threwing away stuff i didn't need, having one last dinner with a very very small group of the remaining 25 and heading to back to Dunes for a farewell drink (non alcoholic for this little duck!!) and just generally lapping up the last moments of the group....
Linda and I finished the evening with laugh instead of tears and huge smiles...i think we had cried enough the night before and that day (yes we kept looking at each other again during the day and just tearing up)....we both know how amazingly blessed we were to have found such a friend during our month....
i didn't get to bed till sometime after 2am....had to be up at 4.30am so the phone alarm was set and my heart was smiling as i closed my eyes and melted into my bed.....
Crap...slept through the alarm...lucky Mukesh was banging on my hut (you can't bang on a hut door...not strong enough...you kind of have to shake the hut!!) and calling out my name...it was already 5am and the taxi was here....i hate starting out like this....already stressed because i slept in....just breathe...just breathe....Mukesh was so adorable...he just kept saying, take it easy..there's time...you have 5 minutes more....i am sure he gets up for everyone that is leaving early in the morning just as a back up ( and thank god he did)... but i like that the last person at Ashiyana that i got to say goodbye to was him...he was the first person i met and i have loved him from day one...he has been nothing but lovely to me....caring and sweet and it was kind of befitting that he should farewell me...just wish it wasn't it such a rush and fuss....my fault....love to you Mukesh where you may be and what ever you do...i wish you the very very best that the world can offer, you are most deserving.....(insert side nodding of head...Indian style....!!)
nothing freaky to report at Goa airport..all went smoothly....must add here that on my entry into Mumbai on the way to India there was an incident with 2 nuns....on my exit from India i notice two preists behind me and can't help but to smile outwardly...even though this makes me look weird and recieve very strange looks it just makes me smile harder.......
P.s...who do you think hops on my flight out of Goa....the last person to board....my teacher and owner of Ashiyana; Chris....during the flight he passes me and we have a breif chat....
We spent a bit of time chatting again on the bus from Mumbai domestic to Mumbai International and passing through the various security check points together...eventually i lost him on the Visa area.....later when he came into the same cafe i was in he told me what happened....for the life of me right now i can not remember...something to do with security tags on this luggage i think...or was that someone elses conversation that i listened in on....so tired...nothing makes sense.....
flight to thailand was a bit too bumpy for my liking....a few of those announcements to take your seat and refrain from using the amenties due to bad turbulance....but i made it....caught a taxi as i couldn't even consider the train ride and the hassle of that in my frame of mind and complete exhaustion....check into my hotel and decide to go out and find some food....
OH MY FRIGGIN GOD....this place is crazy....like really really crazy....and after my serene month this is an overload that i'm sure you could imagine....the market, the shops, the people, the people, the people....there are so many friggin pe0ple.....i think i saw another foreigner at one stage!!!!
best of all was the fruit guy....chops up fresh fruit for you....got 2 bags of pinepple, 2 bags of watermelon and i bag of this strange apple/pear like fruit that he told me was really sweet.....i didn;t think so but it was really really crunchy so i loved that!!!
only so much a woman can take of this....oh i did get a compliment at the 7/11 store....this asian guy walked past me in the aisle to get to the fridge so i moved out of his way....i had to do it again when he came back...after he passed me he turned back and i thought he must of forgotten something and wanted to pass again, i looked up and he just stood there, turned away then turned back and said he was very very sorry for staring....and that i was very beautiful....just what i needed to hear after days of not sleeping and a full day of travelling...at that stage it was 11pm....a seriously long day....i thanked him very much and my ego was quite content for night......:)
Today being Tuesday.....
i start the day with a breakfast at my hotel....i love the asians....they have dinner for breakfast.....was a nice change....i had chicken and vegetable....they are really mad over their weiners....they have little frankfurts everywhere....it's really funny cause i keep looking out for the party pies and sausage rolls of which i would kill for!!! I head out to find the post office and my supplies for my elephant adventure.....just so you know hindsite is a wonderful thing...you just need to know that now....there are clothes, clothes and more clothes...eventually you must stop and look...and yes purchase...like i said hindsite is wonderful thing.....anyway, didn't find the post office....searched everywhere for one of those tacky travel bags...eventually i bought one...then i really liked the ones with the wheels so bought that too....get back to the room, pack some stuff to mail home....(books, clothes no longer needed etc etc...)....wheel my little bag to the shopping centre which was where i was supposed to find the supplies......only more clothes, clothes and more clothes...or and jewellery, shoes, makeup etc....no gardening gloves, no first aid kit,m not mosquito net....nothing.....i walk out of the shopping centre knowing this time i have to find the post office....i decided to pay the tuck tuck guy to literally take me 5 mintues walk up a lane way that i of course would never have found, nor would i have been able to find my way back to the hotel....
$100 later...my package is in the mail...in a box and my wheely bag is with me!!!....too big to fit into my suitcase i now have to give it away...goodbye $12!!...all this commotion and busyness is disturbing me .......i'm back at the hotel and checking out.....ask for a taxi to get to the bus stop so i can take my 3 hour trip to my jungle beach side resort.....the concierge (who looks 15 years old) asks if i would like to just get a taxi the whole way...after figuring out it will cost me $100 but i get a private car and can relax in the back seat as well as it not taking as long....i cut my losses and nearly yell HELL YEH....all arranged i have my taxi driver am in the car on the way with a guy that i can't understand (did i mention that no one i spoke to so far can understand me.....i feel a bit lost here, i thought india was hard enough but this is busy and no one cares....i think the taxi driver was the concierges dad!!!)....he also chats for then entire time on his mobile...i;ve never known a guy to talk for over 2 hours...literally non stop, at first i thought he was speaking to me and that i really needed to clear my ears out so i kept saying ah huh....then eventually when i said sorry i can't understand you he said....not talk to you, on phone to friend.....yes...arse of self even in Thailand!!!!
2.5hours later i get to Cha-Am beach and my resort....thank you to me for picking a great place...room is great....literally 30 seconds to the beach....very very quite beach side town....decided to go for a walk up the road and have a bite to eat...walked for about 20 minutes...lots of fresh seafood on the side of the road....crab and other crustations for about 220 BHT...roughly $8....dogs are everywhere....walked past this one dog that ended up trying to attack an old ladies leg as she was scootering past it....screams and squeels....i just kept walking hoping the dog didn't think i was easier pray....it's freaked me a bit....
Can't find a fruit guy anywhere....we must have passed several thousand of them into this town but none acutally live here or sell their fruit here...oh did i mention that the staff at my resort here can barely understand english, nor speak it and my thai is really really limited to say the least...the girl in the convenience shop also can't understand english....talk about feeling alone...no wonder i've been in my room for 3 hours typing this update!!!!...it's ok though...i had bought a treat while i was out (and found the best eating spot just up the road)....belgian chocolate icecream.....one of those really really puney little tubs....i now wish i would have bought the big super size one although it would have been gone by the end of this email which is about now.....
the frogs here are chirping up a storm....it's like a chorus of chanting frogs.....i'm just trying to make myself feel better about being completely alone in a country where no one understands what i'm saying and the chanting memory helps....not we sounded like frogs but i'm sure you get the picture!!!
love to all....not sure where the internet cafe is here...not sure i can ask anyone either....you should have been here for the breakfast order...now that was funny....i nearly ended up with weiners!!!!!hopefully we got it right...will know by tomorrow morning....
5 more days of this before i go to elephant land......
p.s. am looking forward to doing some yoga on the lawn tomorrow...huge trees and beautiful green lawns......do you think they'll think i'm weird when i start to Om...maybe i'll just keep the level down.....good night all (or good morning or afternoon...whenever you are reading this....)
love love and way more love from me to you....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
andy
thought i'd stick this one on the end so as not to confuse with two entries,.....
Wednesday 8th Dec
somehow i lost a day...must have been all the traveling...i thought it was only Tuesday!!!
anyway, late last night i realized i was the only person in the resort...just me and this big beautiful place and the staff of course...
breakfast was strange....3 staff members behind the counter eating their fried rice and me with my eggs, bacon and toast.....
i think tomorrow i will ask to just have their fried rice....and some fruit of course...
as the weather this morning was a bit overcast and rainy i decided to call Annie the owner (who's not on the property) and ask where to get my supplies for the elephant refuge. I explained that none of her staff understand me so trying to explain to them that i need gardening gloves, pocket knife, first aid kit and other stuff was a bit too hard. She said she'd ring her staff and find out the best place to go....and would i mind travelling on the back of the scooter....
about 20 minutes later i had my scooter driver and off we went into Cha-Am town centre....
it was really funny....he'd stop somewhere and i'd have to literally guess what i was there for, not one place would have everything i needed....I managed pretty well, got my mosquito netting, a small blanket, gloves, first aid kit and back pack, still couldn't find the pocket knife though....stopped at one more place and no luck there either....he rang Annie to say he'd go a little further on but thought i should stay where i was as the ride was too long to be on the back of the bike....
he dropped me off at the shops and i found a second hand clothing place where i bought a pair of really cute overalls...great for manual labour work!!!
before i knew it he was back but had no luck with the knife still.....we decided that i should go back to the flee market that night at 6pm as they apparently have everything...fingers crossed that is true...might look for a rich elegable bachelor while i'm there....they did say EVERYTHING right!!!
anyway, back at the resort now after i found out that we had wireless here i'm sitting and typing this but the wireless connection will not work....frustrating to say the least....the 3 staff members are still behind me at their station...behind the counter and chatting away....
Don't think i mentioned it before but i'm kind of in my own little imposed silence...not due the fact that i'm not friendly but the language difference does not allow for 'getting to know anyone'.....anyway, since this imposed silence has been on me from yesterday i realized something very interesting....i talk to myself out loud quite a bit....i'm starting the think i'm a bit crazy....and i'm sure the 3 staff members thing it aswell....oh and the scooter driver who had to listen to me rambling to myself as we rode around.....I am strange....lucky i'm cute as a button!!!
anyway, signing off for now, maybe update once the phone line has been checked and i can finally get on line...
time for the pool and some sunning....oh life is so hard in my world.....NOT!!!! i guess that bit is awaiting me though...
finally and obviously the internet was fixed but i did get a few hours of sunning in before that....just about to post this and go back to my little pool oasis....
love, love and more love as always...plus a really big heartwarming smile for all....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
andy